First of all, your essay has more number of words i.e. 388 which I feel as too much and it is highly difficult for you complete your task 2 within 40 mins out of 1 hour.
It is good enough if you are able to manage your time for both the task.
By 21st century, in many countries, being a teacher in a school was held in high esteem in the job market.
We are still running in 21st century, hence the about statement is not that meaning full and catchy as Dumi said.
The first factor to consider in terms of the shortage of teachers is a significant difference in the salaries paid to teachers and other qualified workers, which are notably higher.
. First of all, the most significant factor which plays a major role while someone choosing their profession is their salary package. Apparently, nowadays, people who are working less selfishly especially like teachers earning visibly much lesser salary than as compared to technical profession such as software Engineers.
Consequently, the prospect of low income discourages students from pursuing a career in teaching.
--> Good Sentence
You can add one more reason like" As result of huge financial burden in certain families, where people inevitably looking for a better paid jobs than thinking about servicing as teacher for the benefit of the society. "