Writing task 2 IELTS. These days people in some countries are living in a "throw-away" society

"Throw-away" effect

These days people in some country are living in a "throw-away" society which mean people use things in a short time then throw them away.

What are its causes and what are its problems? What could be done to address this issue?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

My writing

Nowadays, in some country, people tend to buy things temporarily and then abandon them. This detrimental trend is explained by the rise of consumerism and inflating commercials in modern society, which leads to the economic and enviromental problems. Some measures are introduced to mitigate those issues.

The foremost reason of this dilemma is that the tendancy of consumerism. Thanks to the greatly-improved living standard, the revenue of people has increased over the decades. Nevertheless, some people have adapted an over-spending lifestyle without thinking whether they truly utilize it or not. When they lose interests, they simply throw them away spontaneously. Furthermore, the encouragous commercials of enterprises also cause the effect of overconsuming. Those companies solely concentrate on inviting more customers to buy their products without guiding them making its effective uses.

Both aforementioned purposes result in negative consequences. As people invariably purchase goods without utilizing, they will suffer from a huge waste amount of money. Those expenditures would better spend for more productive purposes if they knew how to wisely restrict their money consuming. In addition, on account of more and more goods are being thrown away from households, it will creat tons of garbage annually, in which later spread out to the nature and directly diminish the places we are living.

Some steps can be taken to resolve the issues. People are advised to think twice before purchasing something, they should ask themselves whether those things are literally necessary for their daily life. Finally, if there are some redundant things, it is highly recommended that people either sell it over the internet, or donate them to those in needs in mountainous areas.

In conclusion, the prevalance of buying things can have a disastrous impact on financial matters and the enviroments, in which are mainly caused by consumerism and the exaggerated advertisements.

(303 words)

I am simply practicing with my IELTS essays, so I did not put time pressure on my writing. However I've written a little long in this one. If possible, can somebody give me an advice how to shorten this essay, as well as pointing out the mistakes in my work and giving a score. I'd be glad with your feedbacks.

Hi Hoang,

I don't know much about what is expected in IELTS essays. But if you want your writings to communicate effectively, then try to link your paragraphs with LINKING WORDS (words like although, moreover, therefore, in spite of ,etc).

The flow of ideas in the essay above is spot on according to me.

Thanks.

You are doing yourself a disservice by not practicing under time constraints. Since you did not write this essay under the proper writing conditions, I will not score the essay because that will give you a false sense of accomplishment. I cannot honestly score you on a paper that did not meet the writing guidelines for a practice test. Sorry about that. Writing 300 words in your method of practicing to write is excellent, but bad for an actual test.

You are obviously focusing on the wrong aspect of the test, which is simply to show off your vocabulary skills. You are not really using connecting sentences in your paragraph discussions so rather than creating a cohesively connected single topic with supporting information paragraph, you are writing about 2 separate discussions, which means neither discussion is totally developed in the essay.In the second paragraph, a proper connecting sentence between the two would be a transitory presentation such as; "... spontaneously. This is an act that is encouraged by the manufacturers in order to sell more of their products..."

If you want to know how to shorten the essay, the answer is simple. Don't over discuss it. Either you discuss one topic per paragraph without writing long sentences or run-on sentences or, discuss 2 short but connected topics within the 5 sentence maximum requirement. Aim to write no more than 275 words. With 300, as I always say, you will never have time to edit and almost perfect your presentation. That is why practicing under time constraint is the only way to prepare for this test.

Taking your time to write without time restrictions allows you too much liberty in terms of topic presentation, paragraph development, and editing. Elements that do not exist in the testing center. You will continuously write wordy essays that will prevent you from meeting the time consideration requirements. Long essays are not an assurance of passing the test. Clarity, cohesiveness, proper vocabulary usage, and proper sentence structures are the only assurance of passing the test. You can write 500 words and not have a good essay to present if it does not meet the standards for consideration. That is why I train my students to limit the number of words they write so that they can focus more on the important elements of the presentation. Writing for simply writing isn't an assurance of passing the test.

Please do your best to never again practice without time constraint. You are only cheating yourself and you will not improve towards being properly prepared for the test if you continue to practice in this manner.

I am not going to discourage you from practicing to write essays though. Just don't use IELTS topics for your practice essays. Just pick common, everyday, simple essay topics as assigned to English learners and write about those topics free of time constraints. You can improve your English vocabulary and writing skills that way. Do that type of writing in between your practice test essays. You can even post those free topic essays here for further advice regarding writing skills and vocabulary or sentence structure development. Don't use IELTS topics because those need to always be written under a specific writing set up or setting that does not allow for the same writing freedoms as the common topic ESL essays.