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Here's depicted a breakdown of expenditures' usage in some of countries of three continents in 2009


faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Nov 28, 2016   #1
The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009

A breakdown of expenditures' usage in some of countries of three continents in 2009 is depicted by using bar graph. Overall, housing had the most enormous average in four countries and also contained United States who had the greatest value among all. Meanwhile, Health placed as the smallest grade among all, even had the United Kingdom that had the tiniest percentage. In addition, clothing's spending was almost same in four countries.

It is clear that all countries' inhabitants spent most of their salaries for their home. The United States positioned as the top among all at more than 25%. It was followed by the United Kingdom, Japan, and Canada, and each of them still hit more than 20%. Then, Japan became the largest state that used their money for meals. It was shown by the percentage at about 23%, while the United States that had the biggest percentage before, placed as the lowest in food at just below 15%.

Next, transportation had the highest value in Canada at 20% while the lowest was Japan at half of it. In the last position, it was placed by health care and clothing. Each of them had different country who placed as the largest. While the first one was placed by the United States at about 7%, the second one was positioned by Japan at lower by 1% compared with before. It also can be seen that people that spent their money for clothing almost same that was proven by the small different between all countries that no more than 3% respectively.




ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Nov 28, 2016   #2
Faiz, at first glance, I am not really sure that you can write like this in actual test due to time limitation. Writing more than 200 words is indeed time-consuming. You wrote 259 words for this essay and it would bring detrimental towards task 2. Remember, task 2 is worth twice than task 1. Therefore, you need to practice on how to create a perfect time-management for and IELTS writing test.

However, aside from that, I still can see some rooms for improvements in relation to grammatical range and accuracy. Let me try to rephrase your introduction in order to help you to summarize the main features and select the appropriate information in the bar chart.

A breakdown of the information about expenditure usage for five chosen categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan is depicted in the bar chart. It is measured in percentage in 2009. Overall, it can be seen that, housing appeared as the most favourite expenditure amidst other categories, and it was dominated by the United States in the whole period.

Hope this helps :)


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