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IELTS writing task 1: describe a line graph about modern technology usage in the UK.

Banshee611 2 / 4 1  
Mar 14, 2014   #1
The graph below shows in percentage terms the changing patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

My writing:

A glance at the graph reveals information about the changes in the use of modern technology in households in Britain. It can be seen that there is an upward trend in the access of the four types of technology over the period shown.

Both CD player and home computer had a similar growth. In 1996, CD player was the most accessible technology at 60%, increasing steadily to over 80% by 2003. Correspondingly, the use of home computer rose gradually from roughly 30% to 50%. However, after 7 years, while CD player still remained as the most popular form of technology, home computer dropped from 2nd to 3rd place.

On the other hand, in 1996, the percentage of mobile phone was the lowest, less than 20%. Nevertheless, it's popularity grew exponentially to 70% in 2003 despite some fluctuation from 1998 to 2001. It became the 2nd most used technology, replacing home computer. Surprisingly, internet was on started to be used in 1998 with the percentage of 10, climbed significantly to more than 40% in 2003.

SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Mar 14, 2014   #2
Hi, Banshee

2nd to 3rd place.

it's popularity

It should be better if you avoid contraction in IELTS.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Mar 17, 2014   #3
Overall, it is the structure that you need to pay serious attention. Pahan has suggested you a good structure to follow. Once your structure becomes firm, you really don't have to worry about anything. Your grammar, vocabulary, sentences and even the presentation are all very very good. Fine tune the structure with Pahan's suggestion and you'll do much better than this one :)
OP Banshee611 2 / 4 1  
Mar 21, 2014   #4
Thank you Dumi. But would you mind giving me an example about the structure by rearranging my writing above?
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Mar 21, 2014   #5
The graph reveals information about the percentage usage of modern technology by the households in Britain during the period of 1996 to 2003. ... INTRODUCTION

Overall, all four types of technology, namely mobile phones, the Internet access, CD players andHome videos, have shown an upward trend during the period under review. (OVERVIEW)

Your body paras are quite good. I hope you now have an idea about the structure we proposed :)

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