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Janett 3 / 5  
Jan 11, 2013   #1
Sugar is produced from sugar beets, which is a long process. First, trucks unload beets. Then, beets are shaken to remove any dirt and rocks. Next, sugar beets are washed by washer in order to ensure that they are clean. After this, beets are cut up to small pieces to make cossettes. Putting small pieces into water and heating them 70 is the next stage of sugar producing, after what water becomes a sugar juice. To clean a sugar juice, milk of lime is added. At the next stage obtained sugar juice and milk of lime are filtered to acquire a pure clean sugar juice and remove extra components. Following this, sugar juice is heated several times to evaporate any water in it. Finally, obained sugar juice needs to be crystalized. To crystalize it, liquid sugar juice is spinned and becomes a sugar.

Waiting for your comments and suggestions. Criticizm is always allowed.
:)thanks in advance.

dauren95 1 / 4 1  
Jan 13, 2013   #2
I think it would be better if you would divide your response into paragraphs,with clear introduction an conclusion.Also,I've noticed that you have only 143 words ,so you must add one more sentence to get higher band.
mcuong01 12 / 24 3  
Jan 14, 2013   #3
Normally, the prompt will include an diagram and therefore you should start with an introduction as follows:
"The diagram shows how sugar is produced from sugar beets. In general, there are 4 steps in this process, including washing, cutting, heating and crystalizing.

More specifically, the first stage of producing sugar is ..."
mcuong01 12 / 24 3  
Jan 14, 2013   #4
One more advice. It is often said that passive should be regularly used in describing a diagram; nevertheless, sometimes we need to add a few active sentences to make our essay less boring, especially when we wanna outline an important device or systems.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Jan 14, 2013   #5
I like the way you have written your essay although i think it may need a bit more sentences because it seems too short. But what you have written already is very neat and very well organized. Keep up the good work. :)