The street market was the apotheosis of all market, huge, standing to the sky for what look like eternity in all directions. I stepped outside into the porch and into the sun, I felt as if I had stepped bodily into an oven set to broil. The heat of the day was already bad, sapping any energy I had to spare, but stepping into the sunlight was far worse. The sun was so intense that I actually I looked at my own arm to see if my flesh was crisping under its relentless rays. I can't believe how unclean these streets are here, probably far worse than the outskirts of Africa. The ground sits low against the water, so whenever there is a storm , the lakes probably floods all the streets lining the shore with dirty, sewage-contaminated water. Every place was faded and pockmarked. As for me, I never liked the markets, as there are always crowds of people and an excess of noise. Each seller invites customers with loud slogans and advertisements about their products. I crinkle my nose at the smell ( smoky lanterns, grease ,sewage) then I realize, if I had to pass my test, I'll have to act like I am used to the smell. Parents were gripping a hold on their infant's hands, moving in all directions, pushing, shoving ; fearing that they might be separated and lost. Everything is changing, constantly shifting form. The deafening chaos did somehow kept sustained. One thing I awe of these places is how it exists despite the rapid information and technology development of out civilizations, fulfilling it's primary historical reason - the exchange of between buyer and seller.
Tell me How I did , I welcome negative comments
Hey Samuel, I think that you did an acceptable job on this descriptive writing piece. I have some critiques about your work that I think should be addressed in order to help you hone your craft. Let's start with the formatting. The short descriptive essay is all crammed onto the page. Making it difficult to read. Keep in mind that you are writing a description of the place, but you do not have to limit it to one long paragraph. Instead, you should be opting to develop your descriptions as best as possible by using separate paragraphs for each description.
Sometimes, the descriptiveness of the essay comes from the way it is formatted. By offering a paragraph format piece of writing, you will have been able to better develop your descriptions. One more thing, a descriptive essay is not normally written from the first person point of view. Are you sure the instructor will allow you to write this from your active voice in this case? You need to be sure because the descriptions will change depending upon whether you are supposed to be the one experiencing the act, or if you are simply passing on the experience and knowledge to other people who may be reading your story.
Overall though, I like the story that you chose. The descriptions are very vivid and have the ability to transport the reader into the scenario that you developed. Don't forget that a descriptive essay does not limit itself to a description of the place, Some simple dialogue can help you better depict the scene that you were involved in. Remember, develop the background of the scene before you delve deeper into the location description. That way you set up the story properly.
@vangiespen
I am sorry about that
I forgot the instructions
Here they are
For each of the following scenes, write a description paragraph, covering as many senses as possible. Think about your own experience in such events.
PS : may I know why did you say that descriptive writing cannot be in FPOV ?
Samuel, the reason that I said that you cannot write a descriptive essay from a first person point of view is really simple. A descriptive essay asks you to describe a person, as well as the scene that is unfolding. You don't just describe a scene when you write. You have to develop a story that goes with the description. Since you have the story already developed in your essay, you have one of the aspects done for descriptive writing. The problem with FPOV writing, is that you are limited in the way you can describe things because you can only see what is in front of you or immediately happening to you. If you write from the secondary point of view, you are able to better describe the impact of the scene on the person as it occurs. In other words, creating a character to take your place makes the descriptive essay more interesting.
By not involving yourself in the story, you will be able to more accurately portray the sight, sounds, smell, feeling, and taste of what is happening. YWhen you create a character for your story, you have the opportunity to build up the whole descriptive scene. You don't limit yourself to the immediate vicinity, you can describe what goes on in front, behind, and to the sides of the position of the character. Hence creating a better descriptive sense.
The first person point of view is normally limited to narrative writing because the story is often limited to the actions of the person involved. Making the first person "I" more useful in this instance. However, in descriptive writing, a thesis sentence exists at the end of your first paragraph in order to describe the story that is about to unfold. You approached your writing in a narrative, rather than thoroughly descriptive way.
Remember that narration uses a chronological order of presentation while the descriptive essay uses time elements instead. Therefore, using a secondary point of view is more useful in this instance. You can either create a new character (if the instructions permit) or simply state the story from hindsight, as an observer. If you want to use the first person perspective, you should establish that you are an observer rather than a participant in the scene. Check with your instructor though, he may have a different opinion of how to write a descriptive essay.
