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A street market in summer in a hot climate. Write a short descriptive paragraph.


jill8675309 1 / -  
May 23, 2020   #1

I love the street market in summer



The whole world seemed ablaze in a slight tint of orange. It was the classic theme of sweet summer. Whilst crowds gathered here at the streetmarket despite the torrid, sweltering heat. It was the peak destination of this wonderful season. Chatterings and laughters brought about constant murmurs, sometimes uproared by the passionate tune of the accordian buskers. Stalls were rowed at both sides of the street. Hawkers were competing with each other, shouting and advertising to gain attention from the public. Things were varied in types and some were indeed, interesting. There were people selling still-alive frogs and crabs. The seafood stalls were the filthiest among all, where sewage and contaminated water flooded the ground. The odour was disgusting and I had seen some of the customers covered their nose as they passed by. Somehow after this, I regained my love and passion. Pancakes and lemonades! They were perfect summer treats. Satisfaction burst forth. I love summer, I love the streetmarket.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,569 2485  
2 days ago   #2
When you write a descriptive paragraph, you should use the present tense descriptive format. That way you can take the reader along with you on the walk through the street market. You need to give the reader a chance to imagine what you are describing so you have to use current word presentations. It also helps you use more properly spelled descriptive words as you won't be confused between the present and past tense word usages as you seem to be prone to in the presentation. Other corrections I spotted include:

Spelling:
streetmarket - (2 words) street market
Chatterings - the word is not not in the dictionary. You perhaps meant that "people were chatting"? See, this is why I told you to use the active voice in your writing. It helps you avoid vocabulary errors.

laughters - laughter
uproared - Not a proper vocabulary word. Upstaged would have been a better term.
accordian - accordion

Grammar:
punctuation usage - Things were varied in types and some were, indeed, interesting... (needs a comma after were)
Use a comma between clauses - The odour was disgusting, and
Use a comma before "and" for message clarity: ... shouting, and ...

Conciseness:
Use clear and exacting language : Hawkers were competing...
The whole world

There are more than enough errors in your essay for it not be considered a well developed and descriptive paragraph. Try to write the essay using an active voice and use present tense at all times. That should help you create a better descriptive paragraph. It would be better if you do not try to fix this version and instead, write a totally new descriptive paragraph instead. If you can use a topic more familiar to you other than the market, then you should change the topic also. It will help if you can write a description about something you are familiar with.


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