hi, friend. i need your suggestion to boost my writing skill. please give your strong feedback! thank you in advice
Question: The diagram below shows the production of steam using a gas cooled nuclear reactor.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.The representative diagram illustrates how a gas cooled nuclear reactor work to produce the steam. Overall, it is clearly seen that the prominent feature are the reactor and the heat exchanger.
A closer looked at the picture, there is a concrete radiation shielding cover the pressure vessel which has four graphite moderator and uranium fuel elemen insides. baron control rods is used to channelize charge to the elements. in addition, there are 2 type of gas dust to bring the hot and cold gas. The cold gas is flow from gas blower to reactor and passed the moderator and element. This part of process changed the cool gas temperature and it turn to the hot gas. After that, the hot gas entered the heat exchanger tube to invert back the temperature, by using water circulator. the heat from hot gas is transferred to turbo alternator.
From the picture we also can understand that this process is continually circulate. the hot gas always produced by the reactor and then the heater exchanger absorb the heat, so that the hot gas turn into cool gas as before.
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Hi Mei. It seems that you gain improvement from the previous essay I have read, specifically to the use of academic vocabularies. Still, you have several problems such as subject-verb agreement, gerund, and capitalization. The following are my corrections:
"..it is clearly seen that the prominent features are.."
"A closer looked at the pictureBased on the picture, there is a concrete.."
"..uranium fuel elements insides."
"bBaron control rods isare used.."
" iIn addition, there are 2 types of gas dust tothat bring.."
"The cold gas is flowing from gas.."
"This part of process changed the temperature of the cool gas temperature and turnitinto the hot gas."
"the temperature, by using water circulator."
"T he heat from hot gas.."
"From the picture we can also can understand that this process is continually circulated ."
"T he hot gas always produced.."
"..absorb the heat, so that the hot gas turn into cool gas as before ."
There you go Mei. Keep practicing. I am sure that you can make it to the test. Regards.
Meirama, I would like to focus on the first and second paragraph of your essay. After you follow through my feedback, I believe that you can re-check or proofread your essay by yourself, especially the third paragraph. Now, for a breakdown of your mistakes and grammatical issues. You can see my descriptions below:
- ...how a gas cooled nuclear reactor workworks to produce the steam.
- Overall, it is clearly seen that, (comma needed)this is a diagram process cycle, so that the process are circling around.
- Moreover, the prominent feature are the reactor and the heat exchanger, which have each own role in cooling a nuclear reactor.
- A closer lookedanalysis at the picture,...
- ...uranium fuel elemenelement insides...
- baronBaron control rods isare used to... (be careful of capital letter and subject-verb agreement)
- inIn addition, there are 2 typetypes of gas (another capital letter and singular-plural problem)
- The cold gas is flowflowed from gas blower... (most of diagram process writing use passive voice)
- This part of process changedis altered the cool gas temperature and it turnturned to the hot gas.
- ...the hot gas is entered the heat exchanger tube.. (passive voice)
- theThe heat from hot gas...
There you are Meirama, I hope to see your upcoming essays practice of IELTS soon. Good Luck :)
Hi Mei, this is my feedback:
... how a gas cooled nuclear reactor works to produce the steam. Overall, it is clearly seen( maybe you can write it can be seen, clearly is not make sense for me) that the prominent feature ...
... vessel which has four graphite moderators and uranium fuel elemen insides. b aron control rods is used to channelize ...
i n addition, there are 2 type(s ) of gas dust to bring the hot and cold gas.
This(The)('the' is for specific object. So, you can use it) part of process changed (changes)(if you use present to describe the diagram, please be continue to use it ) the cool gas temperature and it ...
t he heat from hot gas is transferred to turbo alternator.
From the picture, we also can understand ...
t he hot gas always produced by ...
Mei, your writing is better than before. But, there are some reviews: 1. passive and active sentence. You sometimes use passive for active sentence and visa versa. 2. There are many capital errors in your sentence. 3 you use adverb between 'is' and verb
Good luck Mei
Hello, Meirama,
-I advise you to avoid using Past Simple in the desrciption of such diagrams, also try not to mix tenses ( Present Simple and Past Simple) in one sentence.
-Try to be more accurate with grammar (articles, word endings and so on)
-Don't forget about capital letters.
Here are my corrections:
The representated diagram illustrates how a gas cooled nuclear reactor works to produce the steam.
... the prominent features are the reactor ...
A closer looked at the picture, there is a concrete radiation shielding that covers the pressure vessel which has four graphite moderators and uranium fuel element insides . Bao ron control rods are used to channelize charge to the elements. I n addition, there are 2 types of gas duc t to bring the hot and cold gas. The cold gas is flown from the gas blower to the reactor and passedes the moderator and the element. This part of process changes the cool gas temperature and it turnsinto the hot gas. After that, the hot gas enteres the heat exchanger tube to invert back the temperature, by using water circulator. T he heat from the hot gas is transferred to turbo- alternator.
From the picture we also can understand that this process is continually circulating . T he hot gas is always produced by the reactor and then the heater exchanger absorbs the heat, so that the hot gas turns into cool gas as before.