IELTS 2 - Diagrams about the life of the salmons - from "fry" to the adult salmons

life cycle of the salmon

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant .

The diagrams illustrate the life cycle of a species of large fish namely the salmon.

It is clear that the life of the salmons take place in lower course river, open sea and upper course river. And their maximum size is around 70-76 cm.

In the fast flowing lower river, baby salmons are called "fry" which have 3-8 cm long. They live there for approximately four years then become "smolt" that are 7-9 cm longer than "fry". Since then, "smolts" migrate to open sea for around 5 years.

Once salmons become "adult salmons", at their maximum size of 70-76 cm, they swim to upper river with slow moving current. In the river, It is full of reeds and small stones. To breed their next generation, "adult salmons" lay down their eggs beneath the small stones, the period is long for about 5-6 months. Finally, new "fry" is born and begins its life again in lower river. The cycle is closed and continuous.

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  Salmon.jpg
  

Hi, there are some mistakes .
fast-following.
takes ( life)

Hi! I think that your introduction is missing a statement to indicate how many stages there are in a life cycle of the salmon.
Overall, your sentences and paragraphs are not logically connected. It is quite hard to follow the process.

You will be heavily penalized for not even trying to change the original topic presentation. It is too similar in word usage. In fact, you did not even change the words you used for the most part. You can see what I mean below:

Original: The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon.
Your Version: The diagrams illustrate the life cycle of a species of large fish namely the salmon.

It is very clear that you did not change the original presentation enough to prove to the examiner that you can restate information in your own words. You are reliant on memorized phrases and/or cutting and pasting from the original to present your discussion topic. This will lower your TA and GRA score to a point where you may not pass the test.

The word "and" is a connecting word which cannot be used to start a sentence. As a connecting word, it should help to link the previous thought in the sentence to the next thought, in relation to a complete explanation or presentation in the sentence.

As there is a minimum 3 sentence requirement for the consideration of a complete paragraph, you should be presenting only a 3 paragraph report for the task. That helps to create a connected discussion picture for the reader and also, allows you to create a clear and coherent paragraph presentation. Again, this is advice I give students who wholly appreciate my line of teaching. This format that you used is based on other teaching styles so maybe you should be seeking advice about your work from them instead of from me.

Thank you so much for your kind advice! I will paraphase next time, have never realised the importance of changing words
I believe the saying that presenting only a 3 paragraph report for the task is better than the one i used before! Thank you!:)