discuss advantages and disadvantages of building a new shopping center

i am preparing for ielts. writing is the weakest point.could u check detail for me, pl? and according to your appreciation, how many scores can i achieve? thank so much.

Discuss advantages and disadvantages of building new shopping center.

It is comment considered that nothing in the world is perfect, and every thing always comes at a price. Building a new shopping center is not an exception; it brings many benefits and drawbacks for communities. They will be analyzed in this essay.

From the one side, a new shopping center contributes communities to become better in several aspects. First of all, people living in that neighborhood can go shopping more convenient. For example, before building a new shopping center in my community, we used to spend driving hours for shopping because there was no shopping center. However, it now takes me only ten minutes for walk for going shopping, and it helps me save not just time, but money for petrol. In addition, local authorities can collect bigger avenue from taxes which is needed to improve infrastructure in their communities. It is more likely to upgrade public services such as training and education, health services, public transportation, which contributes to improve living standard in these areas.

From the other side, it is believed that new construction can destroy landscapes. To begin with, when a new shopping center built, it attract more people from other neighborhoods come there. And as a result the air becomes more polluted by shoppers' individual vehicles: smokes and noise from engines. Besides, there will more traffic jams result in more cars coming from others regions, streets become more congested, and cars park every where in roads.

To sum up, there are many advantages and disadvantages when a new shopping center built. Personally, I believe that benefits for outweigh drawbacks.

Avoid passive statements such as "it is commented " and "it is believed," because these do nothing other than add words to your sentences, thereby increasing the probability of grammatical or punctuation errors. If a particular person or group of people believes or has said something, say that. Mostly, you will find that you don't need the phrase at all. For example, you say "it is believed that new construction can destroy landscapes." That's not just believed by some unidentified people; that's true. So, you can just say "new construction can destroy landscapes."

Overall, I notice that you are still struggling with when to add "s" to the ends of words:

To begin with, when a new shopping center built, it attracts more people from other neighborhoods come there. AndA s a result, the air becomes more polluted by smoke and noise from the engines of shoppers' individual vehicles: smokes and noise from engines .

thanks so much for your comment.i will try to avoid errors with "s".however, im am wondering would u mind checking more detail for grammar, the sentence structures,logic? in your view, how many scores i can achieve for this essay? thanks

It is comment considered thatN othing in the world is perfect, and everything always comes at a price.

From the one side, a new shopping center helps communities to become better in several aspects.

You used "contributes" here, which was illogical in the sense that you used it. One cannot contribute a community. Watch out for shades of meaning. Use simple words that you are certain are correct rather than stretching to use words that may not be quite right in the sentence.

However, it now takes me only ten minutes to walk to go shopping, and this helps me save not just time, but money for petrol.