Write about the following topic.
Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.
Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
With the advent of the Internet technology , people tend to purchase things like books, air tickets and groceries online. While I agree that this way of shopping has lots of benefits, I believe there are some drawbacks that is worth mentioning.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that online shopping can bring the buyer several benefits. Firstly, it is much more convenient than going to the stores. Buying things online can be done just by a click, and can be done whenever and wherever you want, even when you are sitting on your bed. It can also save people time and travel expenses. Some people may have to go far to do shopping and sometimes there are traffic jams on the way which is really annoying. Moreover, this shopping way can even prevent the customers from being packed in the crowds in the malls or shops on special occasions. With these reasons, it is understandable why online shopping is becoming so popular these days.
On the other hand, there are still some disadvantages that are caused by shopping in this way. One of them is the authenticity of the products purchased. As the buyer just do shopping online and can only see the products in image through the screen, they cannot assess the real quality of these products as when they themselves go to the shops. And there have been a lot of purchasing cases that the customers do not satisfy with the products they received and they are even totally different from what have been placed on the Internet. Moreover, sometimes, there are some mistakes when delivering such as too long delivery, wrong products or wrong address that receive bad feedback from the customers.
In conclusion, nobody can deny the benefits that online shopping brings to people as it makes our life more convenient and modern than ever. However, there are still some problems in this shopping way that should be solved as soon as possible to give the purchaser the best experience.
P/s: Hope I will receive feedback from you all! Thank you!
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Let.s start with the errors that could affect your writing in the actual setting. You wrote too many words for the allotted time. You only have 40 minutes to complete a draft, review, correction, and finalization of your presentation. The advise is, based on the required editing of the content, that you write no more than 275-290 words. Doing so will allow you to complete the aforementioned finalization procedure for the task.
Next error, You did not show a true LR ability in the essay. When considering synonyms for the presentation, you did not change the presentation of the original keywords enough. You still retained the original words air tickets, and groceries. Which means that you did not even try to rephrase that part of the essay. You chose to rely on memorized words instead.
In addition to that, the prompt paraphrase section at the start and the concluding summary at the end both require a 3 sentence minimum presentation. You only have 2 sentences. There was also a failure to give 2 reasons for your outlined topic discussion. The subjects of the reasoning paragraphs should have been presented in that section to complete the sentence requirement.
Now, you took a comparative approach to this essay when the actual presentation should have used the paragraph form of the A/D presentation as indicated by the original instruction. The presentation should have used the following format:
Sentence 1: Advantage topic
Sentence 2: Explanation of perceived advantage
Sentence 3: Reason you oppose this explanation
Sentence 4: Example that proves your opinion
Sentence 5: Additional explanation (optional)
The strength and clarity of your opinion will come from your ability to disprove the advantage claim. Consider the discussion a written debate. Yes, that would be the best way to write this essay. Discuss the pro and con using 2 topics in one reasoning paragraph each.