Please help me to correct my essay:
Question:In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Young people of today have plenty of freedom to decide on their own to some situations in life. One of these circumstances is whether they should take a year break for travel or work after finishing high school and before starting off the university studies. However, there are the advantages and disadvantages of these activities that students should consider.
The first advantage is that students can be benefit from precious experiences through travelling and working. For example, when travelling to a new country, they probably encounter real situations of speaking a second language, which will enhance their language skills and knowledge of cultural behaviours of people in that country. Similarly, the experience on how to solve problem, organise tasks and handle conflicts that students attained through working are very useful as well. Thus, fresh graduates with the above experiences will be more easily employed than ones who are really fresh - neither excellent communication nor working experiences. The second advantage is that students are getting more independent in terms of personality and finance. While travelling students have to look after themselves; what food to eat, where to stay, what time to sleep and so on are no longer their parents' great attentions but of their own. Moreover, students who work can save up money for their further study, and are less financially dependent on parents.
There are two disadvantages on the other hand. First, graduation from the university will be delayed; by and large, students may not keep pace with their peers. This is because they postpone studying for one year while their friends can learn a lot of professional skills during this time in the university. Subsequently, the earlier graduates have more opportunities to earn faster. Second, attitudes toward the higher education will be affected. One of the reasons is that high school students, who experienced working, moving around the world may feel more motivated to earn money, interact with people than to acquire the higher professional knowledge. This attitude may stop them from attending universities, which will affect the median level of literacy in their country if a large amount of this group occurs.
In conclusion, I believe students should consider both the beneficial and the unbeneficial sides of working and travelling prior to have decision of saving a year for these purposes.
Young people of today have plenty of freedom to decide on their own
to about some situations in life. One of these circumstances situations is the process of deciding ...
Only one L in traveling.
The first advantage is that students can be benefit from precious experiences through
travelling traveling and working.
While traveling, students have to look after themselves; they have to decide what food to eat, where to stay, what time to sleep, and so on, and they are no longer the center of their parents' great attention. Moreover, students who work...
In conclusion, I believe students should consider both the beneficial and the detrimental
unbeneficial sides of working and travelling traveling prior to have making a decision about saving a year for these purposes.
Great job! You make the kind of mistakes that show great thoughtfulness (Some mistakes are impressive), and even those mistakes are few. You seem to be doing very well mastering English.
There are two disadvantages on the other hand. [b]Could be better: On the other hand, there are two disadvantages.
First, graduation : Firstly Second, attitudes toward : Secondly
In conclusion, I believe students should consider both = In conclusion, students should consider both ...
Great job, however this is not clear which one is better if work or traveling.