Q) Following is the Tofel Topic and I completed it in 30 Minutes .Please suggest How I can improve this within given time ?And if possible please also let me know how much score can I get with this essayTopic :Should teenagers have paid jobs while they are students? (Tofel Topic)
There was a discussion in Indian parliament about whether student or teenager should be allowed to do job while studying or not . Some delegates gave opinion in its favour as they think that job while studying will give student better financial status to afford there studies .
On the other hand some opposed this opinion thinking that job at teenage age which is between(15-19 years ) is not good because after job students will not able to concentrate well on there studies which will decrease their performance in education and hence level of talent a country can produce get degraded .
Job at such small age can also effect their health badly .
First and foremost reason to deny work for teenager is that they will not able to focus on their studies which is there prime duty. After getting job student have too spend most of his time at his workplace and hardly get two to three hours per day for studies which I think it is insufficient to face cut throat competition in market . This will going to decrease there performance and quality of professional which a country can produce .
In addition to this looking at their young age employer can exploit them by giving them very low level jobs which can make them very tired and making them difficult to study after going home . Moreover at teenage students are not mature enough to know where to invest money so they can invest money in activities like gambling , movies ,drinking ,smoking which I think is not good at their age.
Second reason for my refusal of part time jobs at such a small age is it can badly effect their health. Employer mostly try to exploit young age student looking at their immatureness and by giving them work which is hazardous for their health .Example of this kind happened in my locality just two months back where a 16 year child was expired while working in a cracker company .
In light of above points I can conclude that work at teenager age is neither good for individual nor for country .Hence it should be banned at every cost.
Thanks and Regards