TOEFL:Economic growth Vs Environmental Concerns - Which is more important for a Gvt?

Hi~please help me correct the essay below .I really need your help.:) Thanks~

topic:Do you agree or disagree with following statement?To increase economic growth,goverment can neglect environmental concerns.

In mordern society,the topic of economic growth becoming more and more popular than ever before.some some people even goverment officials hold that to increase ecnomic growth we should scrifice everything including environment.however,others think that if we really want that economy can increase constantly,we could not neglect enviromental issues. I totally agree with latter cause if government ignore environmental concerns,economics may increase fast in a short term,but in long perspective,the damaging of environment will devote economics decrease ultimately.and i will present some ideas to support my point of view.

Fistly,we have much lessons about economics decreasing just because governments neglect environmental concerns.for instance,some areas in china have beautiful scenes so that the government open out that area as tourist attractions,then a lot of tourists visit that area in a short time,but the government have not attached importance to environment protection,so scenery was absent in a short term and of course the economics income from tourism trades decreased rapidly.

Secondly,government's persuit of shor-term ecnomic profits will trigger much worse enviromental pollution .the government may pay much more money to repair the polluted environment than concerns it during the process of economic growth.one of the best example is that nowadays,chinese's government spend a lot of money on the Changjiang River's administer as a result of they kept their eyes open excessively on the economic increasing and neglect environment concerns during 80th,20 century.the incidents like above are not singularly around the world,people in Brazil cut too much trees in tropical rainforest called "lung of earth".and this behavior due to a series of climate problems all of the world and increase the "green house"effect.so many countries spend countless money to fix it .

Finally,if government just take focus on increaseing economic growth and ignore environment concerns,humanity's offspring may cannot develop or even survival at all.try to think that in order to increase economic growth ,government permits merchants mine oil without limit,of course the economy will increase a lot in a short time,but if the oil are exhausted,what energy resources can our offsprings use.what is more ,if factries all of the world let out the waste gas to pollute our air without control,our offspring may do not have fresh air to breath at all.

In conclusion, government cannot neglect environmental concerns if they wants to increase economic growth constantly.on the contrary,the best method to in crease economic growth for a long term they should pay more attention for the environmental protection.

You tend to have this problem again - CAPITAL LETTER :D and seriously, you may lose marks at the exams too if you don't pay attention to this issue.

I'm giving you comments only for the lines you started with capital letters ;)


.... you cannot use sms language in a serious essay ... the right word is "because".
government ignores / government ignore\
..., but in the long run, the country may have disastrous effects due to deteriorated environmental conditions.

1. capital letters after full stop.
2. some people even government officials - it should be either one of them. either 'some people' or 'government officials' [/i].
3. Repetitions of words and ideas should be avoided.
4. You can use synonyms of each word and can replace with it.

5. Even government officials hold that to increase economic growth we should sacrifice everything including environment.
Even government officials in the process of increasing economic growth overlook the environmental hazards they are facing.

6. However,others think that if we really want that economy can increase constantly,we could not neglect enviromental issues
On other hand, people think that by preserving environment they can attain the same economic growth.

7. Economics may increase fast in a short term,but in long perspective,the damaging of environment will devote economics decrease ultimately
Economy may increase fast in a short term rate, but the vast destruction of our environment will cost them badly.

8. Fistly,we have much lessons about economics decreasing just because governments neglect environmental concerns.for instance,some areas in china have beautiful scenes so that the government open out that area as tourist attractions,then a lot of tourists visit that area in a short time,but the government have not attached importance to environment protection,so scenery was absent in a short term and of course the economics income from tourism trades decreased rapidly.

First i want to discuss about the steps government took to develop tourist places, especially in china where their beautiful places are been converted to tourist spots by neglecting the importance of environment protection which leads to the exploitation of land and its flamboyance, and thereby decline in the tourism, trade and ultimately the economy.

(Here i gave an alternative way of writing your paragraph, you can do the same changes in your second one also. Always keep in mind you don't have to repeat one point again and again, keep it simple, yet powerful enough to make your reader interesting. Use synonyms which will make it more attractive.)