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In the educational system of Japan, individual work has always had a higher value when learning


Yuyahhhh 3 / 4  
Sep 10, 2016   #1
I'm practicing writing some essays for TOEFL. Please give some feedback for me.

Some people prefer to work in groups on projects, while other people prefer to work alone. What are the advantages of each, and which do you prefer? Use details and example to support your response.

In educational system in Japan, individual work had a higher value when learning, but recently group work is becoming the new trend of teaching because cooperation is necessary in most working environment. From my personal experiences of working, I prefer to work in groups because projects I have to complete can progress much faster. However, each type of working has its own advantages.

One of the advantages of individual work is that there is no hindrance while working. Group working needs some time-consuming process of a distribution of roles. The distribution of roles always spends a lot of time before getting a project started. In addition, group working often causes conflicts over other's ideas or opinions within a group. When I work in a group, some different ideas and opinions always interfere with making decision then deter the progression of projects. So individual work may go smoothly without any conflicts.

Though there are some advantages of individual work, there are some even more compelling advantages of working in a group. We can divide responsibilities of work. For example, if we work on a 20 page assignment with 5 group members, we can divide 5 pages for each. This saves a lot of time even if it takes a lot of time to distribute roles. Moreover, it is true that some arguments often happen when working in a group but such arguments are great opportunities that help enhance the outcomes of projects or sometimes help break through mediocrity. Working in a group looks like a time-consuming process but actually effective and efficient way of working.

In summary, group work is better than working individually. When I carry out the project in my work place, it always goes well by working in a group. I believe that working in a group is a key to success in most of the work place.

akbartaufiq25 7 / 81 54  
Sep 12, 2016   #2
Hello Yuya, welcome to the EssayForum. We aim to give constructive feedbacks to all people with their writing. I hope you will also be active in this forum by sharing your insights to the other members of EF. Now let's have a look on your essay.

I agree that you are good in writing. The strengths of your essay are the simplicity of all sentences you wrote. Although it is simple, however, the messages of your essay are understandable. In other words, readers will not find it difficult to understand your writing because of it is readable. In addition, the use of varied vocabularies and a good control in grammar makes this essay better as well.

My suggestion is to replace the word "So" in the sentence: "So individual work may go smoothly without any conflicts." with another transitional phrase such as "therefore". This is because you need to use formal and academic language in writing test. Hope this help and good luck with your practice. Regards.


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