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IELTS: Elderly Population in three different countries: Japan, Sweden and USA


SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Mar 2, 2014   #1
The Graph show the proportion of the population 65 aged and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The line graph illustrates the changes of elderly population in USA, Sweden and Japan during a period of 100 years from 1940 to 2040.

Overall, the projection of the elder proportions shows a dramatic increase by 2040.

In 1940, the highest proportion of elderly had shown in USA, accounted nearly 10 %. This was higher than that of Sweden and Japan population which were revealed approximately 7 % and 5%. However, Apart from the brief decline over the 40 years following, the proportion of elderly in USA and Sweden gradually increased to nearly 15 % in 1980. While the figure of ageing population in USA experienced a little declined between 1980 and 200, Japan elderly population recovered at 5% in 2000.

A closer to year 2000, Japan trend will be experienced a gradual increased prior to rocket by more than 25 percent at 2040. The figure of elderly in Sweden will undergo a fluctuation before will finished at 25% while USA elderly is predicted to peak just nearly 25% at the end of the course.

Interestingly, despite Japan elderly population recorded as the lowest proportion in 1940, the forecast of its figure will be overtaken the proportion of USA and Sweden over a 100 year period.
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Mar 2, 2014   #2
You should attach the graph with your essay.

a period 100 years

a period of 100 years

The countries who included in this survey are Japan, Sweden, and USA.

This sentence could be merged with the previous one:
The given graph shows the proportion of elderly population during a period of 100 years in three different countries, namely Japan, Sweden, and the USA.

increasingly resemble

follow a similar upward trend

the number of elderly people

the proportion/the percentage of

in 60 years appeared

This is not clear. Do you mean "the first 60 years of the period"?

the trend will developing sharply until gain the highest percentage than others in 2040.

It continues to rise until reaching an estimation of ... in 2040, which is significantly higher than the other two countries.

other trends reveal that the elderly population either Sweden or USA were quite similar

The elderly population in Sweden and the USA experienced an increase during the course.

Both of trends

Both figures

Therefore

This world should be omitted.

.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Mar 4, 2014   #3
Where is the graph? You should have uploaded for others to provide more meaningful comments. Use "Attach file(s)" feature in the message block to upload the image.
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Mar 9, 2014   #4
Dear essayers, this is my revised related to this topic. Hopefully, I get several enlightened advices from you all. Thank you

The given graph shows the proportion of elderly population during a period 100 years among three different countries, USA, Sweden, and Japan.

Overall, while Japan elderly population takes move slightly before rose dramatically, the elderly proportion of the two western countries, decades by decades, increase similarly.

More clearly, the number of Japan elderly appeared at 5 percent in 1940. This trend, therefore, fell slightly by under 5 percent in the six following decades before increased gradually to 10 percent in 2030. Furthermore, the trend will climb sharply to reach 25 percent and take the highest rate of entire trends onwards.

Nevertheless, other trends reveal that the elderly population either Sweden or USA were quite similar. Both of trends appeared approximately 10 per cent in 1940 then rose slightly by 15 percent in 1980. Therefore, after declining to nearly 12 per cent, those trends took different movement. The Sweden trend increase with fluctuate before predict will reach 25 per cent in 2040, while the western counterpart country after fell slowly indicate the same increased and will reach 23 percent of aged population.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Mar 9, 2014   #5
The given graph shows the proportion of elderly populationduring a period 100 years among three different countries, USA, Sweden, and Japan.

... better mention the years;
The graph illustrates the proportion of elderly population during a period of 100 years from 1940 to 2040 in the USA, Sweden and Japan.

Overall, while Japan elderly population takes move slightly before rose dramatically, the elderly proportion of the two western countries, decades by decades, increase similarly.

... this has several grammar mistakes;
Overall, the elderly population in Japan had improved slightly before rising drmatically. The proportions of western countries have increased gradually over the decades.
However, this is not a good overview. Give a more obvious observations. What you have written above should go to your body paragraphs that discuss details.

Overall, the projections of the proportions of elders show a dramatic increase by 2040.


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