Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


Krystal318 8 / 18 2  
Apr 26, 2019   #1
what is one of the most important discoveries that has been made and how, in your opinion, have humans benefited by it?

Electrical revolution

Within 200 years since the electricity first widely used , the world has changed intensely in a much better way. Electricity has brought light to people on Earth. The light that has helped humans do things from little like chores to great things that could not have been in thought of ancient people like space travelling. Electricity becomes a crucial part of our modern lives. That's why it is not exaggeration to acknowledge electricity to be one of the most important discoveries of all time.

To have a better understanding of how this invention tranformed life on Earth, going back to the past is the best answer. Just a brief power outage nowadays, it would be very inconvenient for modern people. However our great great parents still managed things quite well before the invention of electricity. Generally, all the works relyed on manual labour such as chopping wood to warm up the house, salting and drying meat to expand the shelf life of produce, doing laundry by hands,... These work loads were heavy and took up a lot of time. Lacking of light after the sunset was another problem that needed to be concerned. All lighting sources we had were oil lamps, candles, fireplaces and some other inconvenient tools that just provided us a dimly lit room. Along with the lack of entertainment, neighbors usually gathered to chat or playing instruments for amusement. This explains why people in the past had a stronger connection with others in the community than in the present. However, no one can deny the huge benefits that electricity has brought to our lives.

Well-light is provided for all of our activities all days. Going out after dark is not really a matter to us anymore thanks to the abundance of streetlights. Communication is another aspect that electricity does well. With the invention of smartphones, people can access to internet and communicate to anyone in the world at a very little cost. Electrical appliances such as washing machine, lawn mower, refrigerator, air conditioner,... allow us to save much more time for housework. The medical sector has seen comparable gains over the past hundred years. Most medical machines today depend on electricity. These machines give more accurate diagnosis and help saving records of patients durably. Entertainment has also reached a whole new level. We have so much entertainment that we even can't help ourselves being distracted by them.

Electrical revolution brought humans' lives to another advanced step and apart from the 80s. Without this wonderful discovery, humans would have not been improved in such a dramatic way. Benefits brought by electricity is countless. Therefore, instead of taking this resource for granted by using it wastefully, people should care more and use it wisely. The values of electricity will surely not cease to increase. Someday there might be another discovery to replace electricity, until that, humans still need to depend on it significantly.

Honglinh1996 1 / 2  
Apr 27, 2019   #2
Electricity has brought light to people on Earth. you should add the electricity I think
Maria - / 1,102 389  
Apr 27, 2019   #3
Technicalities-wise, I would recommend that you try to use more appropriate (ie. words whose meanings are more in line with what you want to relay) words when you're creating sentences. Keep in mind also that academic essays require that your tone of writing should be kept within a standard. You should also opt to remove portions of the text that are redundant, unnecessary, or do not add a lot of substance into the entirety of the content.

Let's try to revise a couple portions of your essay in relation to this.

In your first paragraph:
Since the beginning of the use of electricity around 200 years ago, the world has changed in a multitude of ways. This has brought light to people; consequently, this has helped humans in an array of things - from simple things, chores, to grander things, space traveling. [...]

In the second paragraph:
[...] Another concern was the lack of light after the sun has set. [...] (The explanation about how others in the past have a stronger communal connection because of the lack of electricity can be omitted because it does not fit in the context of the essay/the goal of the essay.)

In the third paragraph:
Well-lit days is necessary for activities. [...] Electricity also assists in fostering communication. [...]

You should also be wary of your lack and excessive usage of articles. This can have an impact on the organic flow of your essay. Alongside this, be cautious also of the forms of verb you are using.

For instance, in your last paragraph, the third sentence should be:
The benefits brought by electricity are countless.

Best of luck.