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English Aboriginal feature article.

Billmc 1 / -  
Aug 19, 2009   #1
Hey, I would appreciate it if you guys and girls could review my feature article. Thanks!

Indigenous Australians face hardships every single day but is unemployment the killer blow?

In our society we aim to help those that are in need but why is there a race in our society that is getting left out? The Aboriginal race is always put last when in fact they should be at the top or very close to it. The unemployment in the indigenous race is 15.6% and 5.1% in Non-indigenous. That is 3 times more than the non-indigenous. These people need to get treated better. We as Australians claim that the Aboriginal race is treated as equal when in fact this fact proves wrong. Aboriginals face to many problems when getting a job.

Many are unemployed when in fact they have gifts and talents that relate to a job. The problem is though how are these talents and gifts going to be found? Many Indigenous Australians live in remote communities and this can result in them not becoming found. These gifts and talents that they have been given need to be discovered and used to help indigenous Australians get a job.

Another is the racial discrimination that many businesses have. They are afraid of the general public seeing the indigenous Australian and thinking differently about shopping or using the business. This is the biggest problem with the indigenous Australians getting a job. Racism is found everywhere in Australia. Even where we don't think it is. "Racism is still alive and evil in this country, I can assure you." (Colin Markham, former NSW parliamentary secretary for Indigenous affairs) Even a politician realizes that racism is present in Australia so for those people that don't, open your eyes. This belief needs to be eradicated. This belief that many people have creates conflict which only results in more destruction.

The Indigenous Australians also have trouble getting employed because academically they are not up to the standard of non-indigenous students. Only 2.9% of males and 5% of females get a Bachelor Degree where as the non indigenous percentages are 14.3% males and 16.8% in females. There are not enough indigenous Australians getting Bachelor degrees this eliminates so many jobs that the indigenous Australians could fill. The Australian government needs to do something about this.

These problems do have solutions though; this isn't just a one ways street. For the Indigenous Australians that are in remote communities the government should make a system where as soon as an indigenous Australian reaches the age of 18 they are brought into a populated region with more jobs opportunities. This could result in them getting a job and maybe even discovering there talents or natural gifts.

Solving the racist problem will be hard though, everyone has their own beliefs but these people need to be educated. The Australian government needs to step in and tell these people that not all indigenous Australians are "drunks" or "druggo's" as these are not true. There are indigenous Australians like that I am sure but they are rare. Most indigenous Australians are hard workers and are committed to their jobs.

The qualification problem of the Indigenous Australians also can be solved. The Australian government needs to build schools in remote communities and make it compulsory that indigenous Australians stay at school until a certain age. These solutions focus on the Australian Government doing all the work and if you belief they are the only ones that can help or the only ones that should help, you are wrong.

We as the public can help as well. We can do this by: not looking down on the indigenous Australians as a lower race, understand the issues these people have to face everyday and see through the stereotypical belief of Indigenous Australians being alcoholics and drug addicts. I refuse to let the true custodians of this land become refugees in their own home. If we continue what we are doing now will the true custodians of this land become refugees or have they already?
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Aug 19, 2009   #2
This is a passionately argued and well-researched piece. I can tell that you care about this topic. So, let's make this as strong as you can make it.

The unemployment ratein thefor indigenous racepeople is 15.6%;and 5.1% in Non-indigenous.t hat is 3 times more than the rate of 5.1% among non-indigenous people .

For the Indigenous Australians that are in remote communities the government should make a system where as soon as an indigenous Australian reaches the age of 18 they are brought into a populated region with more jobs opportunities.

Hmmm... that echoes forced relocation programmes of the past. From what I understand, your later suggestion of better schools in remote regions is more consistent with what indigenous elders say they want for the young people in their communities. You could also argue for sustainable economic development in remote regions.

But this brings me to the question that I have about this piece. You call it a feature article, but it reads more like an editorial. If you were asked to write a feature article, it may be that your instructor wants more facts and fewer suggestions. In a feature article, a reporter would report what indigenous leaders are calling for rather than come up with suggestions himself or herself.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Aug 19, 2009   #3
Even an editorial should probably be a bit more comprehensive and tightly reasoned. The Australian government should make it mandatory for aboriginal students to stay in school, you say? And what will they do if aboriginal students drop out? Throw them in jail? Drag them to school against their will? And even if the government could somehow force aboriginals to stay in schools, how can they force them to learn anything there? If you know of a method for forcing anyone, aboriginal or otherwise, to learn in a school, by all means feel free to share it. The government needs to make sure Aborignals go to universities at higher rates, you say? How exactly, should they go about doing this? Racist beliefs need to be eradicated? Again, how do you expect the government to inflict mind control on its citizenry? And do you possibly see some problems with this, even if they find someway to do so, and start out using that method to accomplish "noble" goals such as eliminating racism?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're article needs less strident passion and more thoughtful analysis of the problems besetting the aboriginal community and the ways in which those problems might be fought.

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