Hi, i am new here and i am giving my gre exam in a month. Please let me know how is my arhument essay and please rate me so that i get an idea where i stand
Thank you
The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.
"Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors."
In this memo, the dean of Omega university explain about a new procedure that evaluates the teaching effectiveness of the professors. He points out that due to this procedure, there has been an inflation in the students grades. He is of the opinion that this is the reason why Omega graduates have not been successful in getting jobs. However, there are many logical errors in this argument.
The author is convinced that the implementation of procedure that evaluates the teaching effectiveness of the professors. However, he has failed to tell us the number of students who participate in this procedure. If the number of students who actively take part in this procedure is very less, this reasoning will be ineffective. It just means that removal of this procedure will have no effect on the grades of students. Also it can be concluded that students earn these grades through their hard work.
The author has unfairly assumed that the students grades have increased due to implementation of procedure. However, he has failed to ignore a host of possible explanations of the same.The quality of students entering Omega university may have improved over the coming years. Also higher admission stds, higher teaching facilities, etc. Without taking these points into consideration, the author cannot convince me that the evaluating procedure can lead to grade inflation.
In addition to this, the author has unreasonably compared the placements of Alpha and Omega University and concluded that Alpha graduates have been more successful in getting jobs. However, he has not taken certain points into consideration. It could be that the number of students may be less and the quality entering Alpha University may be very good. On the other hand,it is possible that Omega University has lot of students . Hence even if many students have been placed, the percentage of students unplaced will be more than Alpha University. The author should also know the quality of companies that Alpha graduates have been placed in. It could be that even though quantity wise Alpha graduates have more placements qualitywise they may be poor.Hence, without much details it is not right to compare Omega and Alpha university.
Summing up, one can conclude that without substantial evidence it is incorrect to conclude that the evaluating procedure is the reason of inflation of students grades. The author should find out how many number of students actively take part in this procedure. Also he must take into other considerations that could be possible for rise in students grades like admission standards and quality of education. Last but not the least, instead of comparing with Alpha University, the author should find out the quality of placement services in Omega university.
Hi！
I think you paid too much attention on refuting minor points of the argument. The author's suggestion is about canceling the evaluation procedure for students to get better jobs. Your argument place the inflation of grades at the second paragraph and spend two paragraphs explaining there may be other reasons cause the inflation. But this is not essentially doubt the suggestion. Since even if the inflation of grades is due to the evaluation, the suggestion could still make since. My suggestion is exchange your second and third paragraphs with your fourth one and put more your efforts to refute the job finding comparing between the two colleges or the relationship between the inflation of grades and the job finding.
Anyway, I'm not sure if I'm on the right way.
Personal suggestion, for reference only.
Another way to improve it is like this:
Add a sentence to the end of the first paragraph, and let it be a sentence that expresses the main point you are making. Add a sentence, and when you write it, pretend you have to answer the essay prompt in a single sentence.
Do you know what I mean? Imagine you have to answer this in a sentence instead of in a whole essay. Add that sentence to the end of the first paragraph.
If you do that, you will always double the quality of your writing! :-)
