Unanswered [3]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


IELTS 2: I AM ABOUT TO HAVE IELTS EXAM - tell me my weakness and strength; Happiness



aties 1 / -  
Jul 10, 2023   #1
Topic:
Some think people should responsible for their happiness.Other think happiness depends on other factors.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion



Answer:
It is argued that happiness is either depended on individuals or other factors in a human's life. In my opinion, while it is true that there are other factors that are contributing to one's happiness, one should take care of their happiness themselves and look after it.

Each individual has to chase their own happiness, because we humans have our own distinctive characteristics and personalities. Thus, it is apparent that people struggle with understanding each other, which may result in hurting other people. Each member of the society has to understand themselves and be able to find happiness without relying on others. Furthermore,in this modern world, humans are too busy with their business in their life without paying attention to others. It is crucial to do a self-care routine rather than waiting for someone to care about , because everyone has their own business.

However, I believe that not only are individuals responsible for their own happiness, but also their background, such as family or society. This is because our family is the key to determine one's happiness. Take a child, for instance, if they were born in an abusive family, they wouldn't be able to have a sense of joyfulness like their peers who are born in an affectionate family. It is evident that a family 's perception inspire their child development, especially the ability to find happiness. Children who are nurtured in an abusive family will get a higher risk of getting depression, according to the Journal of Psychology.

To conclude, while there are other factors, one of them is background, which plays a major role in anyone's happiness. I believe that one should love themselves for their own happiness.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15505  
Jul 10, 2023   #2
The essay is only focused on discussing your personal point of view. You do not effectively represent individual discussion points based on the public perspective. You have not met the writing and discussion requirements for this prompt. Therefore, you cannot expect to gain a passing score for this type of presentation.

Remember that you are given an opportunity to show your reasoning and logic skills based on the prompt requirement. So you have to properly develop each public opinion in relation to your personal insight. You did not do that in this presentation. Rather, you focused on only developing your personal opinion. So the essay will only be scored on the basis of 1 out of 3 discussion considerations. It is not going to get a passing score.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: I AM ABOUT TO HAVE IELTS EXAM - tell me my weakness and strength; Happiness
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳