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If you cannot excel in a field, simply leave it for someone who can. Decisions


Rosamond 3 / 26  
Mar 26, 2009   #1
A Difficult Decision I Had to Make

Our lives are the sum of all our choices. The decisions we make today, may very well play a critical role in our future tomorrow. When I was at secondary school, I had to make a difficult decision concerning my academic future. I was in the scientific section during the second year. In the third year, I had to choose between remaining in the scientific section and moving the literary section.

To begin with, this cross-road appeared before me due to the impaired educational system, specifically in the scientific section. We would study chemistry, biology and physics as if we were studying history. The better you are at memorizing, not understanding, the higher grades you attain. Though supposedly scientific books, they lacked the progressive scientific way of explaining facts. There were hardly any diagrams or illustrations for better understanding. Whenever a question was raised, our teachers would usually end up shrugging their shoulders and advising us to focus on memorizing rather than wasting time in asking "futile" questions.

In addition, I was not truly fond of science in the first place. I had the curiosity to know, and the will to understand and study. My true affection, however, was for literature and literary appreciation. The main reason I joined the scientific section was to please Father, who is a doctor. He used to call me "the little doctor" when I was young, and think that I will succeed him. On my side, I had not the least intention of joining a scientific college at any rate. Apart from having no true affection for science, it was acknowledged a "universal truth" that those colleges have only the merit of the name. That is, they were scientific in theory not in practice. Besides, I believed literature was the field where I could find a room for creativity and self-learning.

Given that, I decided to enroll in the scientific section after all. I though it would be fair to satisfy my father first, then my own desire second. It would ease the shock for him, I thought, if I at least joined the scientific section during the secondary school, then entered a literary college afterwards. In the third year, however, I could no longer endure the "historical" way of studying science. It was somehow acceptable with chemistry, but a true pain with physics and biology. I made up my mind to shift to the literary section in the end. Father was disappointed at first, but being understanding enough, he accepted my decision with a good grace. He even praised me for it upon knowing the deterioration in the scientific section.

It is true that I liked chemistry and missed biology, and that neither the literary section nor the literary educational system turned out to be that wonderful after all. Still, I believe I made the right choice. I chose what I believe I can excel in, or at least do my very best to excel in. My motto is that: if you cannot excel in a field or willingly strive to excel in it, simply leave it for someone who can.

Questionnaire :

1) Is the article written in good formal English?

2) Are ideas well - arranged? Are there any redundant or out-of-place sentences?

3) If you were to "grade" this work, what would your rating be and why? (For instance, if you choose "C", please note what an "A" grading would require and why this piece did not meet those criteria)

Much obliged.

sarahmk 22 / 55  
Mar 26, 2009   #2
the beginning was really good
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Mar 27, 2009   #3
Our lives are the sum of all our choices.

So, that means that choices are the building blocks of a life. It means that choices are sacred. Cool idea... Maybe it should say: A life is the sum of all one's choices.

My first impression after reading the first paragraph is that the decision seems like... not that important... but I will keep reading to see how you explain it.

In addition, I was not truly fond of science in the first place. Oh, well I guess it was not a difficult decision!

Oh, wait... that is an interesting twist, ha ha, you enrolled in science after all! Awesome... okay, I like it! I give it an A. Fix this, though:

The main reason I joined the scientific section was to please my father , who is a physician . He used to call me "the little doctor" when I was young, and he thought I would succeed him.

Actually, it was fine the way it was... but I like it this way.

you know, with your aptitude for language and literature, you can become a different sort of physician. You can use language to help people... for example, teaching therapeutic exercise or nutrition, etc. You don't have to choose only one career, despite the impression we get in school. You can use language and literature to help people alleviate pain and stay healthy.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Mar 27, 2009   #4
Overall, a good, solid essay. One criticism: "My motto is that: if you cannot excel in a field or willingly strive to excel in it, simply leave it for someone who can. " A motto should be pithy and memorable. This is not. Condense it into something that is, and your essay will be even stronger than it already is.
OP Rosamond 3 / 26  
Mar 27, 2009   #5
My first impression after reading the first paragraph is that the decision seems like... not that important... but I will keep reading to see how you explain it.

In addition, I was not truly fond of science in the first place. Oh, well I guess it was not a difficult decision!

very inspiring...but not here. Teaching is another excurcianting pain!

-----------------------------

Mr. Sean,

What do you think of this:

"..for my belief is: excellence is not a gift; it is an aim. Either aim at excellence or give way to someone who will."
OP Rosamond 3 / 26  
Mar 28, 2009   #6
Condense it into something that is, and your essay will be even stronger than it already is.

Is this better??

"..for my belief is: excellence is not a gift; it is an aim. Either aim at excellence or give way to someone who will."
Lana_J 1 / 2  
Mar 28, 2009   #7
The ideas in your article are quite well-arranged. At least there're no problems to understand what you mean. And it was quite interesting for me to read it till the end)))
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Mar 28, 2009   #8
Yes, your new ending is better. It is shorter and pithier, and you call it a belief and not a motto anyway, so there are no longer any grounds for criticism.
tasneemspring 3 / 25  
Mar 30, 2009   #9
It is absolutely wonderful, enjoyed readind it.


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