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'I am always exhilarated when doing my social work job' - the reason for leaving


SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Aug 13, 2014   #1
The prompt wants to know he reason for leaving my job. I am not sure this not quite long for an expalanation but I do avoid redundancy. Here I try to describe shortly and clearly. If you find any mistakes or any information that I should add, please do not hesitate to comment. Thank you :D

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I am very exhilarating doing my social job in helping people in the field work directly. Unfortunately, I just limited time in job contract and from the beginning ministry already state on un-extension contract. Such regulation due to the mission from the government for giving experience from fresh graduated.

Because of I love helping people so I am applying for YPP 2014. In my purpose beside I can help another people as international civil servant, I dream the next generation can live in the world of peace.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 13, 2014   #2
The word very is almost never a good word to use in a sentence. Add verbs in general are weak words. Modifiers are like a person who tries too hard to justify what he is saying because he does not really believe what he is saying. In writing, we say "show, don't tell!" But when we use add verbs we are always necessarily telling instead of showing.

The way to have strong writing is to avoid using more words than necessary, so let's get rid of the word Berrien that sentence. Readers like to figure things out on their own; they don't like to be told "very".

I am very exhilarating always exhilarated when doing my social work job, helping people in the field work directly. Unfortunately, I just have limited time in my job contract, and from the beginning ministry already state stayed on an extension contract.

Such regulation due to the mission from the government for giving experience from fresh graduated. I changed the other sentence, but I don't know how to change this sentence to make it accurate. I think this sentence is supposed to say: these regulations are in place because of the way the government chooses to arrange experience for new graduates.
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Aug 13, 2014   #3
The word very is almost never a good word to use in a sentence

Thank you for the enlightenment, Kevin. The main problem in my writing is I usually translated my first languange to English.

these regulations are in place because of the way the government chooses to arrange experience for new graduates.

I think this far better than my sentence :)

How about the content, should I add another information related to this prompt?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 14, 2014   #4
should I add another information related to this prompt?

Well.. And not just with writing essays, but with everything we do, if we want to be effective we have to ask ourselves: what is the goal am trying to achieve with what I'm doing right now?

If the goal is to cause the reader to look favorably on you, then it is necessary to write in a way that causes people to have a good feeling and be inspired by what they're reading.

I think the best way to make a reader respond favorably is to communicate some information that will help the reader to know how serious you are about fulfilling your intentions. I think you left that position partly because of the need to take the next step toward accomplishing what is most important to you? It's sort of a cliche to talk about dreaming of world peace, but you do have strong values and a strong intention to achieve specific things. So it's great if you can add a sentence that tells more about what you are trying to do right now. : )
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Aug 14, 2014   #5
what I'm doing right now?

It's sort of a cliche to talk about dreaming of world peace

what you are trying to do right now. : )

Can I say that reader would like to see what the candidates proof rather than what they dreaming of ?


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