'Experiences, moments, and events all have an impact on our life' - Defining Moment: Paragraph

a moment that has defined who I am

This isn't necessarily an essay. It's one paragraph about a moment that has defined who I am. If any of you guys mind reading this and giving me feedback I would appreciate (this is due tomorrow)

Experiences, moments, and events all have an impact on our life. They can either be the most memorable moments or the most heartbreaking ones. Regardless of how they impact us, it still teaches us important values, lessons and morals. My defining experience was in the year of 2014, around the end of grade eight. You see, I wasn't always the most positive nor the most confident person. After being bullied for three years from the age of nine, the idea of loving and believing in myself suddenly became a foreign language to me. I turned to self-harm at the age of twelve to deal with what I was feeling. Around the month of June 2014, I was in a dance group for my art class and we were practicing at my house on a weekend as my backyard was big. It was very humid, but I had to wear my sister's burgundy McMaster sweater to cover up the cuts on the wrist of my left arm. While we were dancing the left sleeve of my sweater pulled up, revealing a few of the cuts that one of my dance partners, Anish, noticed. The next day, he told the homeroom teacher who talked to me about it. I was then sent to the principal's office and she called my parents after school. When I got home, I remember hearing my mom cry on the phone as she tried to ask me why I cut myself. I was not able to answer because of the tears that continued to pour from my eyes. When she came from work, I went to the family doctor who suggested that I go to the hospital. At the hospital, I talked to a social worker for what seemed like hours and was told that I have an anxiety issue that could be treated by either taking medication or seeing a therapist. I refused to talk to a therapist however, my parents also did not want me to go on medication in case I depended on it whenever I have a panic attack. In the end, I did nothing. I didn't get the help that I needed. But, this significant experience taught me that I needed to learn how to trust my friends, to understand that I am not alone. Without going through this situation, I would not have been closer to the friends I have now. I am proud of how far I have come. To be able to say that I made it this far, I can make it through one more day. Although I can not tell you that I love myself completely, I can tell you that I am trying my best to overcome my inner struggles.

Hey friend
I'm not quite sure for what purpose this text is gonna be used, but I think it's impressive. Totally touched my heart as I was reading.

Regardless of how complicated can be teenage hood problems you explained briefly and clearly.
This could be an embarrassing kind of experience but the way you positively learned about friendship and trust.. is beautiful.
Good luck :)

Thanks & this is an assignment for my grade 12 english class. Sorry, I forgot to write that in. The only problem is I'm not sure if I am allowed to use second person perspective. She didn't specify which perspective to use so I'm hoping that it's okay if I do. I emailed her but she isn't replying!

And also, do you think that the part about why this experience is significant to me is good or should I make it longer? I am only concerned because what I wrote for the significance is only a couple of sentences long

I guess it's perfectly fine. You're telling a story about this personal experience and talking to your audience. It sounds natural even as an assignment. Nevertheless you can wait for your teacher's answer.

I think you can expand the part which you mentioned the impacts... Specifically why this taught you the importance of friendship. This isn't so obvious in your current text. Although you didn't use the help of people around.. How could you appreciate it? Explain this part a little bit and it would be great

By the way thanks for ur comment on my essay. Totally useful

Sujana, one of the points for correction in this essay is your reference to the idea that you could love and believe in yourself. That is not to be defined as a language but rather a belief or a mindset. I would change that sentence to "... because a foreign idea to me." or "became a strange belief for me". Additionally, I would not say that you did not get the help you needed. You actually got the help you needed from the people whose influence and acceptance of you matters the most, your peers and family. That love, care, and affection cannot be given by a therapist nor drugs. You healed on a personal level and that is what matters the most.

This is a very good self-analysis essay. You have made a strong statement that explains where you came from, who you were, and who you are today. That is the mark of a well developed narrative presentation. Good job!