I am writing to express my interest in applying for second-cycle degree in the Data Science program

statement of interest

Can you help me improve my writing. I am applying to biological data analysis course of data science at university of padua. I think my motivation of contibuting to world seems fake but i actually am motivated by that should i remove the parts and what else can improve my admission chance

I am writing to express my interest in applying for second-cycle degree in the Data Science program of Department of Mathematics. My name is Adil Atahan Atik and I am an enthusiastic new graduate of genetics and bioengineering from Turkey. I am seeking to learn data science and use it with my previous bioengineering knowledge to contribute to technology and humanity and I believe University of Padua is the best place to do it.

My interest in data science began after learning the achievement of AlphaFold2 on protein folding problem. I believed that solving the protein folding problem would be one of the biggest advancements for anti-aging and defeating cancer which were my biggest interests for the first years of studying genetics and bioengineering but I thought it was impossible for the problem to be solved in my lifetime. AlphaFold2 shocked and inspired me with its ability to predict protein structures and I decided to learn data science. I have worked on a project of creating an artificial intelligence model for covid-19 and loved the process too. So I decided that I need to merge my knowledge of bioengineering with data science and need further education. While trying to decide choosing between biological degrees and data science degrees for my master's, learning that data science program at the University of Padua has a biological data analytics path really excited me.

My excitement for the idea of studying at this course is the combination of the inspiration of knowing that I will get a top-quality education from people who are the best in their subjects in an area that aligns with my goals perfectly, the excitement of being in an environment full of people with big goals and big motivations, and the excitement of discovering new cultures, new music, art, and food. This excitement will be a great fuel to help me achieve my goals. I am confident in myself that with hard work I will successfully complete the course and I hope to achieve relevant knowledge and techniques that will support me make the world around me a better place. I especially want to use deep learning models for protein structure predictions and bio-physical data and I believe the course from Padua will help me actualizing my goals. I believe I am a good candidate for admission because I have had a good education in genetics and bioengineering from my former university and from my internship at Hacettepe University which is the most prestigious university in Turkey in the area of medicine and I improve my computer knowledge with learning python and working on artificial intelligence models. I am a creative, innovative, and hard-working person and I want to change the world for the better.

Studying data science at the University of Padua is a motivating goal and a great opportunity for making my dreams come true so I would love to dedicate myself to this path. I believe I will be a valuable candidate with my knowledge, skills, passion, and motivation.

Thank you for your time and for considering my application.

Best regards,
Adil Atahan Atik

I do not get a true sense of being motivated to study this course as a 2nd degree on your part. The writer needs to prove that there is an actual connection between Genetics and Bioengineering and Biological Data Analysis as it applies to Data science and Math. Being a fresh graduate, you should have had a clear opportunity to merge the 2 fields, even on an experimental basis at some point. Discuss that point clearly and then, explain how Biological Data Analysis will help you further your interests in the field. What doyou specifically want to learn about and why? How does it relate toa career goal? you touch very lightly on these aspects in this essay. Make these your only focus instead.

Thank you! @Holt