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FAMILY: "Sunshine essay" - Sunshine danced colorfully on the doorsteps


getitlow 7 / 17  
Dec 9, 2008   #1
Prompt: Topic of your choice

FAMILY

Sunshine danced colorfully on the doorsteps. Rays of light crept through the window into the old, airtight closet. The whole room smelled of humidity and dust. It was more than a year since I last been in the room with my parents to clean and store unused belongings. Every time I stood before the old-fashioned wooden floor, I found out that I had grown. For me, the work there in the closet with my family was always a joy. It was the pleasure to rediscover my favorite red toy truck, or just a small photo of my mother standing next to me, with her radiant, smiling face, on our holiday 7 years ago, now blurred with time. It was an ineffable feeling that things were at once familiar but also distant. In the corner of the room sat an unused table which was a gift from my grandparents on my parent's wedding day. We hadn't used it for a long time but my father wanted to keep it, saying it was the most memorable gift in his life.

It seemed as if I couldn't resist the curiosity that overwhelmed my body " What's inside that table after so many years?", I wondered. As I opened the drawer and came across some dusty, sepia pictures of my family, I was plunged into the whirlwind of memories, and my deep-hidden notion was awaken. That was of how I know that my families had grown me into the man I am today, and for it I would forever be proud of.

The stories told by my grandfather are one of the most memorable parts of my childhood. When I was small, my parents had to work constantly to make both ends meet. Therefore, I was always with my grandpa, following him all the time, sticking to him like a fish sticks to water. He took loving care of me; he taught me about life, answered to me every question, even the silliest of them to satisfy my childish inquisition. In my eyes, Grandpa was always a gentle, brave man who readily open his arm to protect anyone, and tried his best to make everyone happy. He nurtured me with his wartime stories, which were entrancing to a seven-year-old kid. My grandpa served in the Army and had fought many fierce battles which for him was not about political sides, but about death and life, of tribulation and willingness to sacrifice. Most importantly, through him I know that one can always survive if he believes he can. He was always the lighthouse guiding me through the ocean of life.

Although I didn't spend much time with my parents, I was never without their motivation. , Even when they weren't around, I always understood that they were doing the best things possible for me. Every time I confronting a challenge on my own, I envision their smiling faces encouraging me. I even found them on me when I consulted them with my teenage feelings, which are meant to be told to no one but them. My father once told me when I was angry: "A man should learn to do the best for their beloved ones. A man should never surrender, but stand up for what he loves and desires ,and tries his best to obtain his goal. A man should be high-minded to be willing to forgive other's mistakes. And a man should be responsible for his own makings and dare to take risks. You're a man and have you ever really tried to do so? "Ever since then, I was no longer surly with anyone for no reason. I learned a precious lessons of treating people fairly and controlling my temperament. Above all, parents keep me believing in my true potential and motivate me to stick with my dreams.

" Hey, Anh, what are you doing over there ? Come here and lend me a hand ! " spoke up from a corner my mother.

" Well, just nothing mum. Alright ! I'm coming " I replied promptly

I put away the pictures, and smile contentedly. I know that my family makes limitless effort on my behalf; they are a steadfast "fulcrum" to propel me towards my goals. With their support, I believe nothing out there is beyond my reach and I'm confidently ready to accept every forthcoming challenge.

Note: I wrote this essay quite hurriedly and I don't even have time to rewrite. How do do ou think of it ? please give me any suggestions and comments to improve it ^^ thanks so much in advance !
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 9, 2008   #2
An adjective to describe the doorsteps woulf be good here, for imagery:

Sunshine danced colorfully on the (something) doorsteps.

Also:

..our holiday seven years ago, (write the word "seven" instead o the number.

It looks like you include spaces where they are not necessary:

"Hey , Anh, what are you doing over there? Come here and lend me a hand!" spoke up...

Perhaps you could go back and add an introductory sentence, at the very beginning, to prepare the reader for what is to come. Your writing style is excellent.
OP getitlow 7 / 17  
Dec 9, 2008   #3
thanks so much for your comments..I have sent it to some of my friends and they're afraid that this essay may come off as a little bit cliche..Do you get that feeling when you read my essay ?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 10, 2008   #4
Nope! It drew me into the scene. A cliche is something that dulls the readers interest because of not being original... so, your work is not cliche! :)
eng1 4 / 6  
Dec 11, 2008   #5
Hi!
" Well, just nothing mum. Alright ! I'm coming, " I replied promptly.

I think you must add the needed punctuation marks on this sentence.

And one more thing, I think you must be consistent on how and where you are going to write the sentences with quotation marks.

But judging on the content of your essay, especially the part where you somewhat defined a man, I think you did a good job..:)


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