'my father has a pet shop'; teenagers have jobs while they are still students.

I think having jobs while in high school is a good idea. Teenagers start to learn how they earn their living, be in the social life and they start their career in their early ages. These benefits help teenagers to be a responsible people to the society.

First of all, the biggest benefit of having jobs in the secondary school is to start to learn how to earn their life. Because of they are in a social life, they testify the problems of other people. Having seen the solution of problems, they get used to solve their problems or struggles quickly. Otherwise, inexperienced people have some struggles when they take a step in social life, especially when they earn their living.

Secondly, having had a job when in high school, teenagers take a place in the social life and be in the social life. They meet a lot of people because of their jobs. For example my father has a pet shop and everybody who settle in place near our shop knows my father and they have a friendship. Then teenagers who have job learn how to treat people politely and respectfully. These lesson is only taken in social life.

The last but not the least reason is that teenagers decide their career which they want to pursue. When a teenager doesn't like some jobs which they work about, they quit from them earlier and they start a new job. Then they can attend to a university and they become an expert in their jobs. On the other hand teenagers can earn their pocket money that they need.

To sum up, having a job when high school times offers tons of benefits to teenagers. They start to learn how they earn their living, be in the social life and they start their career in their early ages.

hi! there are some inappropriate use of english in your essay."[i]Teenagers start to learn how they earn their living, be in the social life and they start their career in their early ages. These benefits help teenagers to be a responsible people to the society[ /i]." We are talking a possibility about whether students should do part-time while in high school. Hence it is better to change"how they earn their living" into "how to earn their living". Also be a responsible person not people.

your essay is well-organised. Pay more attention on the usage of English words and phrases.

thanks

I provided my comments about this paragraph in another essay of yours. You need to follow the recommended structure for this task. It is this four para structure;

Introduction - introduce your topic + state your opinion
Body para1; Tell the first reason for your opinion. Then support it with one specific example
Body para 2; 2nd reason+example
Conclusion


.... this is pretty confusing and has some grammar issues too... You better re-phrase this line
it takes/ they take