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Fatherhood should be as present as motherhood in a child's life starting from the the birth - IELTS



brty 2 / 9  
Sep 24, 2014   #1
"Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up."

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


In today's world, having and raising children can be a very difficult task for families, the smallest component of the society. While mother's role is essential in a child's life, I completely agree with the idea that fatherhood is a as vital part of a healty parantage as much as motherhood.

The first reason why the father's role should be equal to the mother's role is the nature of parantage. In my view, the role models within a family play a significant role in the development of the child's characteristics. For example, in a traditional Turkish family, while a mother has a sincere and thoughtful approach to the child, a father role must be present as authoritarian and conversative to raise a well-behaved child.

The second reason why I believe that fatherood is as important as motherhood is the dynamics of the relationships today. In my opinion, we are living in a society that puts a significant importance to gender equality in every aspect of the life, including relationships. For instance, a family formed by a woman with a housewife role who looks after the home and takes care of children and a man who brings money home can not be seen anymore in today's society. Instead, all of the couple duties are performed equally and interchangeably by individuals. Therefore, I believe that having and raising children should not be different than any other daily activity.

In conclusion, fatherhood should be as present as motherhood in a child's life starting from the the birth due to providing appropriate parenthood and having healthy family relationships.

Word count: 264

Thank you so much for valuable feedbacks! The essay is from Cambridge IELTS Book 2 > Test 1 > Writing Task 2. Could you please also tell me how much marks should I get with this essay out of 9?

beginner1010 2 / 3  
Sep 24, 2014   #2
In today's world, having and raising children can be a very difficult task for families, the smallest component of the society. While mother's role is essential in a child's life, I completely agree with the idea that fatherhood is a as vital part of a healtyparantage as much as motherhood.

I believe that you had better write more general; for example, using mothers' instead of mother's and children instead of 'a child' makes more sense. Besides, there are at least two typos which I have highlighted by the red color.
william731 18 / 43  
Sep 24, 2014   #3
having and raising children can be a very difficult task for families

can be very difficult tasks

I can see you used role really often in your 2nd paragraph. I think you should avoid repeating some phrases like father role. You could write the responsibility of fathers.
OP brty 2 / 9  
Sep 25, 2014   #4
healty parantage

Dear Beginner,

Thank you for mentioning about the typos! It's probably because of the transmission from paper to word document. :)

Again mothers' & mother's are related with the same problem..

Cheers!
RevtZ_hh 3 / 11  
Sep 27, 2014   #5
I think that you should write in a general way in order to build a strong reasonning.


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