"If at first you don't succeed, try and try again" - TOEFL essay

"If at first you don't succeed, try and try again"
Our life consists of the high and lows. I believe that people should try, try again even if they haven't succeeded at first. There are three reasons why we should never give up. Firstly, while you are alive everything is possible. The only valid reason why you can give up is a death. As long as you live (healthy and free), you have a choice to make a final attempt to succeed. Secondly, be realistic. Possibility to master something from the first try is very small. Everything requires time. In order to learn it you will make mistakes. Be strong. You are stronger than you think. One failure is not enough to stop from pursuing our dreams. Even 10, and 1000 failures are not enough. By refusing to give up, you encourage people. Who knows what somebody could achieve by looking at you as a role model. Frequently, when ready to give up, you are very close to make a huge breakthrough. At any moment you're on the verge of success. Do not give up even if the first attempt wasn't fortunate.

throughout the essay you are speaking to the reader, but once you put "our dreams " it kind of throws you off.

thank you:)

or " high and low"


First, there is nothing that is impossible if you have a determination and will.


... I feel this is not meaningful


.... In writing, don't use numbers... have the word form


... I too feel so... Is this for a speach?

should try again and again


The possibility of doing for the first time is low.


In order to learn it, you will make mistakes

Wow this (your) essay was really encouraging. I totally agree that failures should not stop us from pursuing our dreams. I wish you the best of luck with your educational goals and aspirations!

Your essay looks good. What I think is wrong with it has been discussed already. Keep your head high.

I believe that people should not be discouraged by failures and should try and keep trying until they reach their goal.


.... you need to present this idea better;
First, so long as you stay alive, you have the opportunity to make impossible things possible.


... why you say this is a reason for not giving up? You need to elaborate a bit more.

Things you might consider to take your essay to the next level:

1.) Include personal experience relevant to the prompt. Anecdotes are easy to write about, and are excellent in bringing out your unique, personal voice. A unique, personal voice is key to a good essay. I'm sure there are times in your life when you felt the going was tough, but you put your head down and stuck through it, and ultimately succeeded in achieving something.

2.) Include allusions/references relevant to the prompt. In this case, off the top of my head I immediately thought of Thomas Edison, with his tremendous feats of perseverance during the invention of the light bulb.

These will help you flesh out your present essay into something that will probably net you a higher mark :)