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Firstly, on a safety level, traveling with a guide is most important



odon 12 / 27  
Oct 19, 2014   #1
Hi guys, please check my essay , i wrote within 30 min
It is for TOEFL
If it was real toefl, How much score could I get?


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In nowadays, people have become increasingly willing to travel during their vacation. Of course, it is considered a good way to relax and reduce stress. But some prefer to travel alone while some believe that traveling with a tour guide is better. In my opinion, traveling in a group led by a tour guide is more convenient in some ways.

Firstly, on a safety level, traveling with a guide is most important. In a complete strange city, traveling alone is dangerous. Moreover, when some unpleasant thing happens to us, there must be someone who takes care of us. For example, when I was traveling in Japan for the first time, I got a serious stomachache due to a strange sea food. Fortunately, I was with a guide and she took me to a hospital. I got better there. I can't imagine what would happen to me, if I was alone there. Furthermore, travelling alone may accompany not only health disorders but others unpleasant things such as robbers or any accidents. Thus we had better always travel with a guide.

Secondly, a tour guide is certainly more cognizant of nice places for tourists than any tourists. Sometimes tourists have not enough preparation for travelling. For example, they come to a foreign country without any planning about what places to visit. Therefore, they spend most of the time finding nice places to visit or finding a hotel. By contrast, if with a tour guide, they spend their time efficiently because tour guides already arranged everything before tourist come.

In conclusion, as far as I am concerned, travelling in a group led by a tour guide is more fun and gives an opportunity to make friend with other people. For example, going from a place to another place for a long time on a tourist bus is often involved in travelling. It may be one of the dull parts of travelling. But if we travel in a group, it may be one of the fun parts of the travelling because we can play card games together. Consequently, travelling in a group led by a tour guide is better.


vangiespen - / 4077  
Oct 19, 2014   #2
Odon, you were able to write a very well developed and reasoned essay within 30 minutes. While your English usage is not at a native speaker level, you were able to use the correct English words to get your point across. The essay is informative and shows that you were able to consider important aspects of the prompt in developing your answer. This is an essay that will be sure to score quite highly in the TOEFL. If I were the examiner, I would give this a 10, only because of the grammatical errors, which I feel can be overlooked in this case due to the excellent reasons you presented in defense of your stand and opinion.

If I were to pick out one portion of the essay that you need to improve upon, I would have to say that you need to work on developing your introduction paragraph. In this particular essay, you just needed to improve upon this portion:

In nowadays , people have become increasingly willing to travel during their vacation.

- Nowadays , people have become...
bjted 1 / 5  
Oct 19, 2014   #3
Odon, please check spelling correction stomach ache . In future, you may reduce the use of cliche, and spice your essay with some vocabulary, but, I like the way you use you transitional phrases. Overall, your effort, for an essay written within 30 minutes, is commendable.

stomachache
OP odon 12 / 27  
Oct 19, 2014   #4
Thanks you very much , guys
So inspirational comments.


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