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Traveling in a group led by a tour guide give us a safe, useful and exciting excursion & save time


thinhthanh92 1 / 1  
Jun 4, 2009   #1
It is the first time I write an essay, maybe there are some mistakes^^ So I need your help. I would very much appreciate feedback and help. Thanks :)

Topic:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My essay:

Nowadays, we are invisibly always under pressure, which makes our life become stressful. Traveling is one of the good ways to relax and help us out of stress. Some people prefer to travel alone because they feel free to do everything they want. However, in my opinion, I think the best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.

Firstly, traveling in a group led by a tour guide make our trip more enjoyable and safer than traveling alone. Traveling in a group has lots of interesting group activities. For example, when we are in the way to place that you decided to travel, we can sing together a song, tell jokes to make others smile or simply chat with others. We will never feel lonely. During our trip, members in our group can take care of other members to help other members out of their difficulties, especially in unexpected emergencies. If we travel alone, it is not safe. Moreover, with professional knowledge, tour guide know where is not dangerous to go.

Another reason for my point is package tours help us save a lot of time. We do not have to waste time arranging schedule for our tour and preparing food, drink or transportation for the trip. In whole tour, we can completely keep our mind in enjoying the pleasure of traveling. Besides, tour guide help us not waste time in boring places and not ignore interesting places.

Finally, we can learn more information about the place from tour guide. When we are not familiar with a place, it is necessary to have tour guides. If we travel but not have tour guides, we will not understand the place fully because some information is hard to find.

In conclusion, traveling in a group led by a tour guide give us a safe, useful and exciting excursion, also save our time. Although it has some small disadvantages, I always believe traveling in a group led by a tour guide is the best choice for all of us.

EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jun 4, 2009   #2
This is your first essay? I can hardly believe that. It's very good. You follow the instructions very well, providing specific reasons and examples within a well organized essay with a clear introduction and conclusion.

I have just a few corrections.

traveling in a group led by a tour guide makes our trip more enjoyable

Tours have lots of interesting group activities.

when we are on the way to place that we decided to visit ,

tour guides know where is not dangerous to go.
--or--
the tour guide knows where is not dangerous to go.

arranging the schedule

If we travel but do not have tour guides,
OP thinhthanh92 1 / 1  
Jun 4, 2009   #3
It is really the first time i write an essay. However, before i wrote this essay, i had learned about format of an essay and how to organise it. besides, i also had read some sample essay about this topic.^^

Thank you so much!
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jun 4, 2009   #4
When using list markers, such as "firstly", it is a good idea to use them for all of your points. Here, you have "firstly" and "finally," but skip "secondly." Worse, in place of "secondly" you've written "Another reason for my point is package tours help us save a lot of time. " You should generally try to avoid using references to "your point" in these sorts of essays. So, you could fix both problems in one shot by revising that sentence to "Secondly, package tours help us save a lot of time."
Fizzi 1 / 2  
Jun 5, 2009   #5
I would suggest:

Finally, we can learn more information about the place from a tour guide.

Regards,

Fizzi
purfec8gel 3 / 4  
Jun 8, 2009   #6
Moreover, with professional knowledge, tour guide know where is not dangerous to go.

Re word this sentence.. With the professional knowledge of a tour guide, they know where go that is not dangerous..?
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jun 9, 2009   #7
Or

Tour guides possess professional knowledge of an city that allows them to avoid dangerous areas.


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