IELTS WRITING TASK 1: Fish and meat consumption in European country.

Hello guys,
This is my second essay on IELTS writing task 1. I made it in 15 minutes and it is faster than the previous one. I really need your suggestion and your review and I hope you want to do so.

Thank you :)
------------------

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

my essay :
The chart illustrates the weekly need of fish and several kinds of meat among Europeans during a particular period of time over ranging 1979 to 2004.
It can be seen from the chart that the consumption of fish remain stable over a period. In other situation, the needs of chicken, beef, and lamb had experienced dramatically.

People in Europe countries mostly consumed beef approximately 220 grams per week, followed by lamb, chicken, and fish at around 150 grams, 140 grams, and 60 grams per week respectively. The proportion of beef and lamb consumers gradually declined by reaching just exactly 200 grams (beef) and 100 grams (lamb) in 1989. Whereas the chicken, at the same year, shows an upward trend about 200 grams per week. Different condition had experienced by fish which slightly decreased just below 50 grams per week in 1989.

By 2004, people who consuming chicken were significantly increased around 250 grams per week, while in terms of beef and lamb rapidly decrease by 100 grams and 70 grams per week. On the contrary, the consumption of fish remain constant just under 50 grams per week in 2004.

• 
  Academic_IELTS_Writi.jpg
  

Ahmad, pay attention to the way that you develop your paragraph. this format that you have right now is definitely too tightly packed onto the page making it hard to read. It is also hard to separate the paragraphs as you have these written now. If you are trying to play a trick on the examiner as most of your paragraphs fall short of the sentence requirement, let me tell you right now that your plan will not work. The examiner will expect to see a properly formatted essay, with relevant content. Failure to do so will result in a low score due to a number of compliance factors.

Please note the formatting and other corrections that I will be applying to your paper. These are all self-explanatory. \

Please note your tense usage. You are speaking of events in the past using present tense terms. Since these events already took place, these should be discussed in previous or past tense format. Make sure to familiarize yourself with the common word tenses as much as possible.