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Flame The Patriotic Into Integrity Unity and Creativity

Dec 3, 2017   #1

supporting colonization

Independence is form of freedom from colonialism toward a country from the other country. Actually, we should not articulate the meaning like that on this context for Indonesia. Regarding to the constitution, it is 72 years since independence. But as matter of fact, the new form of colonialism turn up and have been dominated. Such as colonialism of economy, social, ideology, and also culture. Maybe we are free from the colonialism of the other country, but what about of economy or some of our culture? It is significant that nowadays, as the young generation patriotic fervor is less compared to the previous.

In this case, the foreign importance of our natural resource sometimes cause political stage in Indonesia from the intervention of other country. The new form of this colonialism can be more dangerous that colonialism in the past. For instance, Dutch has colonized us during 350 years. Consequently, we lost our spices, oil soil, etc. We can see from wealth side, that is not big actually, moreover spices. Why? It is because of the characteristic of plants can grow again. But after independence since 1945, at present we lost all of them. Some of people cut the forest, exploitation of cross commodity, stealing the fish, damaged the environment, and also domination of energy by foreign nation. The colonialism in the past, all of people fight as long as they can. Whereas, in fact the colonialism at present, the government also support of colonialization practice. How could it be?

Another aspect, as the young generation we should keep our culture. Culture is inheritance of our ancestor, so that is why we should keep it. In fact, we have 33 of cultures which claimed by the other country during SBY's administration. One of them, Batic which was claimed by Malaysia. We have many cultures in our country. But, we do not defend what we have to keep. We should keep and also perpetuate our culture. The reason of that problem, our less curiosity, and also do not make our effort to keep and perpetuate become our necessity. So that is why, as citizen of Indonesia we must be introspect ourselves first.

In conclusion, what become our duties that we must keep it. Especially for the young generation we should think about the freedom fighters and the patriotism struggles not only in these days, but also in other days. Consequently if we do not keep our culture, we will lost them. Because we are still young, so exactly we have much time to create for our country. Such as what our president planning, we must have an obligation on Indonesian culture, develop the center of culture and also characteristic based on the culture.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,249 4652  
Dec 3, 2017   #2
Indah , there are a few points for further development in your essay in relation to the thesis statement. The first thing I want to point out is that when you pose a question in your essay, you are expected to provide an immediate response to it within the same paragraph or develop the succeeding paragraph as a response to it. That is why for these sorts of papers, it is best to offer an informed sentence rather than a question which may have a delayed response within the essay presentation. I believe that the question about colonialism of economy or culture should be given a specific and lengthy discussion regarding what it means, how it came to be, and how it can be avoided at present and in the future.

Clarify the point you made about how the government supports colonization. What does this mean? How does it happen? What are the consequences for the people and the new generation living in your country? How has it changed your society and way of thinking? That statement alone requires a totally new paragraph to represent a response as well. For every information you present, make sure that you provide supporting evidence. This essay suffers tremendously from a lack of factual evidence and expanded discussions in support of your statements.

Your concluding paragraph leaves me with more questions than answers about your presentation. That should not be the case. You should be reiterating the overall discussion instead. As it is, this concluding presentation shows that the discussion is not over. Additionally, do not use connecting words like "because" to start your sentences. The connecting words should only be used to connect 2 sentences of similar information or thoughts. It is never used to open a sentence or paragraph.

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