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war is a devil | war could burn you like a flame | BANG! do you hear the gun, who do we blame?


sm1loverose 1 / 1  
Jan 31, 2015   #1
This is a poem about war i wanted for someone to check/add punctuation and help me improve this.

he in all my dreams i have thought
of thoughts who live don't
it's all about war and foe
let tpoppy blow and grow

war is a devil
war could burn you like a flame
BANG! do you hear the gun,who do we blame
look in front of you,look behind you
what do you see and hear?
i can see death,a word i hate to utter
i can see blood,bright and sticky
i can hear ear splitting shrieks of those who die

should we let the solders march to there doom and death
is it good to let them march upon the Valley of death?
let it stop before it turns into a game
a game which is lame.
victory a funny word,because solders dieing for war is not a victory,
i pity those who think victory could be won by using guns and war,
why not use peace and let i go

the stars are shining,
showing you the way,
will you follow it or will you stay away?
i know i would never walk that way,
unless it leads to peace and away from all the pain,
at the end what will you gain.
Shima97 1 / 4  
Feb 2, 2015   #2
oh my God
that's awesome.
I really enjoy it.
any way you can check the link below but just put ( https:// ) before that !
jerz.setonhill.edu/writing/creative1/poetry-writing-tips-how-to-write-a-poem/
also here is some hints for writting a good poem :
Use comparisons. Tell what something reminds you of - maybe the moon reminds you of a pizza pan. You could say "The moon shines like a pizza pan."

Use personification. Pretend what you are writing about is human. "The wind munches the leaves..."
Let your poem do what it wants. Don't try to hold it too tightly to the subject you started with. Let it lead you where it wants to go.

Try "being" what you want to write about. Pretend you are a cat... a car... a basketball...
Keep a journal.
Keep paper and pencil with you at all times.
Keep trying!
Don't try too hard. Just write. It doesn't have to be "good". But every once in a while, it may be!

Use repetition. Or don't.
Use rhyme. Or don't.
Use lively verbs.
Use interesting words, but don't strain too hard for the unusual.
Love words!
Write about what you really want to write about.
Revise - but not too much.
OP sm1loverose 1 / 1  
Feb 2, 2015   #3
thanks for the help and i am very delightful that you liked my poem,it means a lot to me.
ps.you know that website you gave me i tried going on it and it told me that my connection is not private and that,that website could hack my credit card and stuff but anyway thanks for taking the time to read it and you helped me.

pss.you know the first two lines of my poem,well the teacher sad i need to change it because it doesn't make sense do you think so too because what i wanted to get across to my reader is that i think of things that many people don't think nowadays like war and foe's,do you think i should change the first two lines like my teacher?

and you know stanza three line one and two my teacher said that i am repeating the same thing again do you think so two and please tell me if i should change that too

thanks alot
Kelley 2 / 3  
Feb 8, 2015   #4
loved the meaning behind your poem and nice use of creativity. just needs punctuation work and it'll be fine.


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