The following graph shows the percentage of unemployment rates for the female in the UK.

The given bar chart indicates the figures for four areas' women unemployment in UK in two years 2013 and 2014.
It is clearly evident that Scottland saw an upward trend in the percentage of unemployed women, the opposite was true for three others areas. Specifically, England also had the highest percentage of unemployed women of the four regions in UK.

While England had the highest percentage of women's unemployment in 2013 at 6.8%, Scotland experienced a contradicting pattern, with only 6.1% female's unemployment. Meanwhile, there was no striking difference in the figures for Wales and Northern Ireland with 5.4% and 5.6%, respectively.

Although having the lowest female unemployment rate in 2013, after only 1 year, Scotland became the region having the highest percentage of unemployed women among the 4 regions with 6.7%. Residents in Wales and England did not lose much of their jobs in the following year, reaching 6.5% and 5%, respectively. Specifically, 2014 witnessed a dramatic decline in Northern Ireland's women unemployment rate, scoring at 4.6%.

The summary overview and analytical paragraphs do not feel complete. It comes across as having missing information. There is something about the 4 areas specified that is confusing to the reader. Are these area locations, work locations, or some other specific area? The reader will actually come across more confused, rather than informed, based on this presentation. You should have taken the time to double check your information and the clarity of your presentation paragraphs while you had time to do so. In an actual setting, this essay would have received severely reduced points in the TA, C+C, and GRA sections. Those deductions will result in a non-passing score.

The second paragraph does not meet proper formatting requirements. It is one sentence short of the minimum sentence presentation requirement per paragraph.