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My friend Daniel is a fan of Manchester United


englishessay 1 / 2  
Feb 6, 2013   #1
My friend name is Daniel Kong.He is a friendly and socialble person. He has a oval shape, sharpy nose and ear, a pair of big eye and have a short black hair. He is tall with a thin body. His family consists of 4 member ; a father, mother, younger brother, and himself. He is turning 13 this year.He has a good manner and personalites, so i felt very comfortable talking with him.Moreover, he has sense of humour and love telling jokes to me. That's make most of the people love to talk with him. When he was free, he likes to watch news about football on the television. He is a huge fan of Manchester United football club. His favourite food is eating pizza with a glass of cold coke. He is a good student in my class and always get high marks in every subject, so when I dosen't understand something, he will explain to me clearly. I felt lucky to have a friend like him. I hope our friendship will never end and be best friend forever.

Please correct me if I am wrong and give me some tips vecause i running out of ideas.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 6, 2013   #2
My friend's name is Daniel Kong. He is a friendly and socialblesociable person.

My suggestion;
My friend, Daniel Kong is a friendly and sociable character.

He has an oval shape(what? head? ) , sharpysharp nose and ear , a pair of big eyesand have awith short black hair.He is tall with a thin body.

Daniel is a thin tall guy. His oval shape head, sharp nose, big eyes and short black hair make him look quite attractive.

His family consists of 4 member ; a father, mother, younger brother, and himself.

Daniel has one younger brother. .... It's enough to talk about the siblings because the family anyway refers to mother and father.

He has a good manners and personalitesvalues ,

He is well mannered and possess good values.

so i felt very comfortable talking with him.Moreover, he has sense of humour and love telling jokes to me.

He has a great sense of humor and loves to crack jokes. I always enjoy his company and feel extremely comfortable associating him.
triox99 2 / 2  
Feb 7, 2013   #3
Your tenses need work, the essay is filled with intricate details, yet the flow seems abrupt to me. I would personally talk more about your friendship with him, what you guys do together etc, since it seems like a friendship essay, cheers.


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