My father - Daniel - has had the largest impact on my life

someone please edit my essay?

the prompt is:Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

All Comments on it are greatly appreciated.

Both my parents have, and continue having an impact on my life, but my father, Daniel has had the largest ones. He has been there for me when others have shrugged their shoulder. I suffer from various ailments, but two of them have really struck hard, Eczema and Acanthosis nigricans. In both conditions, my father has been there to support me; having an impact on my life.

Eczema is a very hard and strange disorder, to take control of, thus my struggle has been a hard one. My dad has been with me since my first and only hospital stay in which I had "break out." The nurses has to peel off pieces of skin off my face, little by little. It was very difficult seeing myself in the mirror, red and raw from the treatment given to me at the hospital; but during this whole time Daniel encouraged me, saying that it was all going to be okay in the end.

My endocrine system has been going off balance for the past three years. One problem associated with my imbalance is Acanthosis nigricans, which manifests as a dark velvety mark on a neck. Acanthosis nigricans is a very disgusting looking disorder, that although it looks nasty, is not in any way contagious. My dad was there to help me thru the moments of depression and rejection that I felt when I had it.

Most of the disorders that I live with are now mostly under control; due in part by the things that my dad has done for me. He means so much to me, and I just love him.

continue having isn't parallel with the previous verb have and doesn't connect with has had. The prompt asks for someone, so maybe just say out front, My dad has changed/made the most impact on my life (because he was always there for me when I was down).?


the second part after the ; is unnecessary because this is the person you're talking about. another thing, it's a dependent clause in need of an independent clause.


using your dad's name Daniel in this essay seems somewhat formal. I'm not sure if that's how you are, but using "he" would make it seem more personal


through* haha. IM talk :]

I'm sorry to hear what you had to go through. a real challenge/adversity experience. I don't want to rewrite over your essay, but some things to consider, transition sentences, topic sentences for each of those experiences, maybe just a little addition about how your father was with you through that experience. This would seem like a difficult topic to write about. good luck~

thank you, yes I had a hard time writing it since at times I feel I'm writing about my problems instead of my dad and how he impacted me.

thank you again for your help and suggestions.

Let's make it "impacts ----> larger ones"
Both my parents have, and continue having an impacts on...

and also...
...but my father, Daniel, has had the largest ones.

You need a comma on both sides of Daniel (above).
But I think his name is irelevant and not helpful in the experience you are trying to create for the reader:
...but my father Daniel has had the largest ones.

:-)

I would take out the part about both your parents having an impact o your life since you only talk about your father

Although both my parents have influenced me, it is my father, Daniel, who has influenced me the more. I'm not so sure about mentioning you dad's name. It sounds more like ifd he were your friend...

I suffer from various ailments, but the two of which that have really struck hard are Eczema and Acanthosis nigricans. In both conditions, my father has been there to support me; having an impact on my life.

Eczema is a very hard and strange disorder to take control of, . It's been a hard struggle thus my struggle has been a hard one.

Hmm...did your dad give you courage? Did you dad teach you to always be there for the loved ones? It sure is a great impact to you that your dad has always been there to support you. But how has all of this affected you? How ahs this changed the way you see things? I'd love to hear how your fathers's heartwarming consideration has changed you as a person because you wrote it in the first paragraph that you father has influenced you the most.