How my gay father, family and community have shaped who i am today - uc prompt

Prompt: Describe the world you come from- your family, community or school and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Life in suburban New York can at times be very intriguing for those who are part of individulity. I believe that growing up in New York has given me a different perspective, teaching me to make the best of every situation in life. I live in an area with about 13,000 people and roughly 800-900 high schoolers. Life in a small town/ city can be both fun and boring.

I would like to begin by telling you about my family and some of its backround as it is somewhat uncommon. My parents were divorced by the time i was two. My mother was adopted and my father grew up in a harsh home. When my mother was employed both of my parents were accountants. My father enjoys tanning, baking, gardening, and arts and crafts as does my sister and mother, but i am considerably different in my interests. I am part of many academic, athletic and community service extracurricular activities that my school offers.

Aside from my different interests you may be wondering why my parents were divorced by the time i was two and why my father enjoys such things as cooking and cleaning intead of things like sports and cars. This is because my father is gay and has been open about it since the time i was around two years old. You can figure that based on where i live in New York it was hard for this news not to spread around quickly throughout the community.

A lot of people in New York and around the world are afraid of different ideas and/ or change. I am not. I dream of and want diversity, and change, and the new experiences that come along with these two aspects of life in part because of the family i grew up with. When i travel to college i want to be part of a campus with people from all over the world, with multiple races, religions, and views. I want to be in a surrounding where revolutionary thought is normal and intelligence is valued. This is UC and this is what i am looking for.

My dream is to one day become a surgeon. Living with a gay father has not shaped this dream but has made me a more creative, social, and soft hearted individual while shaping my aspirations. I aspire to bring all different kinds of people together. To teach people- not to judge someone by the way they dress, speak, and/ or look but for the person they are inside because everyone deserves this chance. I aspire to bring the world and the people on it closer over the yers to come.

I am confident that after living in suburban New York and growing up in the gay community/ environment that California will be a day in the sun.

well, this is quite an interesting story, and you put it quite well into words. However, you wrote that "Living with a gay father has not shaped this dream but has made me a more creative, social, and soft hearted individual", but you didn't make it clear enough, i think. I mean, you didn't talk much about your dad's influence on you.

in addition, some of its background, just a minor mistake.
All in all, i like ur essay

"Individulity" isn't a word. Consequently, the sentence makes no sense. Nor would it with the obvious replacements for the word.


Different from whom? All the other people who grew up in New York or some other large urban center?


What does this have to do with anything?


So why don't you, instead of wasting the reader's time with this prelude?


Yes, because only gay guys like to cook (no famous straight male chefs, that's for sure) and only straight guys take an interest in sports and cars. I'm so glad having a gay father prevented your mind from falling into the trap of subscribing to offensive stereotypes.


Then why have you mentioned him?

What is the point of this essay? You jump from one topic to another, and don't seem to be trying to show any single characteristic or set of characteristics about yourself that would make you a good applicant. If you want to write about your gay father, explain how having a gay father influenced you by helping you to develop one or more desirable personal traits that will make you a strong university student.

I'm with Noto on the basic viability of this essay and with Sean on the stylistic problems. My sense of your thesis is that growing up with a gay father in a small town taught you the value of diversity. This central value is what makes you want to attend UC. As for your father and the dream of being a surgeon, I think that what you are saying is that, while growing up with a gay father did not lead you to want to be a surgeon, it did lead you to develop qualities that we all wish more surgeons (who are known for being colder and less empathic than other health care providers) would have.

So, you just need to be more clear about your central thesis and about the contribution of your family situation to the personal characteristics that will make you a good UC community member and a good surgeon.

Wow, it is such a fasinating story. I've never had such experience with my family and I haven't been appreciating for what I had that others don't, but just complained for what I don't have. After reading your story, I feel somewhat previleged with what I have and it broaden my perspectives toward others.

I have to say that I was really impressed by your story. However, I think you put in it some unnecessary sentences which were kind of distract me when reading. I think those would break your idea. You should put those sentences out.