please provide feedback in to the essay.
I was born and raised in a rural town Geo-je, South Korea. People in the town are well-politically oriented and the 14th President of Republic of Korea was from in this island. While I was growing up, I had a big nature of curiosity about the world, science and human right as well as a strong dignity as Korean. My love for the human right began when I developed my interest in history from my grandparents' era. Korea had a quite amazing transformation in social and economic power but poorly managed in human right campaign. At that time, my human rights passion was blinded only to think about issues in Korea. A cornerstone of changing thought began when I recognized myself being different from others regarding sexual orientation. I realized that human right is not only about helping people, but understanding the fundamental rights that were given to anyone in the Earth. Learning what is the fairness and basic rights everyone has, my passion grew over time as did number of campaigns for minorities who suffer from the lack of interests or discriminating rules from the history. Ever since I came to Washington D.C, I started to admire Professor Victor Cha regarding his genuine thoughts about East Asian policy and his achievements in international relations. About the book he wrote "Beyond the Final Score: The Politics of Sport in Asia," I could understand the appreciation of the sport events which strong political movement is involved despite of purism in the sport and common interests without boundaries could be a good start where I can position myself in an international level. My concern about the human rights in an international level, some problems on human rights were similar to other countries; whether developed countries solved the issue on part of the movement, other countries' problems are everyone's problem. This world needs a social worker without the boundaries of national, ethnical, and regional limitation. I have a great passion to be an international social worker but beforehand I must seek greater education and awareness of international human rights from the learning environment. From the research for my further academic career, I found students at School of Foreign Service who were engaged in the human right activity in North Korea. I believe finding a group that matches with my interests, and sharing the important moments within academic environment is very important to my future career in advocator of human right campaign. Aside from the human right campaign, I also have a passion to study computer science and other science as well. I am certain that Georgetown is the right place for the next academic career for my genuine passion as a learner to be a leader. Studying at Georgetown, where I will be challenged to think critically among the support of faculty and experts in the field of international affairs will enables me to reach my full potential. Lack of human rights, the law cannot play its role as a protection and privilege but discrimination. I also want to further investigate human economical behavior and its effect on development of human right in same sex marriage. After completing my studies, I plan to start my career as a human right activist, where I can utilize my knowledge and passion of human right. If awarded the opportunity, I will bring dedication, curiosity, and commitment to Georgetown University.
People in the town are well-politically oriented...
Not sure what you mean by this.. can you be more clear?
I had abig nature ofstrong curiosity about the world, science, and human rights.
...as well as a strong dignity as Korean.
This phrase sounds odd, esp at the end of the sentence. Create another sentence with this notion. You mean that you had pride in your home country.
My love for the human right began when I developed my interest in history from my grandparents' era. Korea had a quite amazing transformation in social and economic power but poorly managed in human right campaign.
This sentence needs to be re- worded and it is also way too long, kinda confusing. Also, say "human rights" not, " the human right "
By learning what isthe fairness and basic rights everyone has , my passion grew over time, as did a number of campaigns for minorities who are suffering from the lack of interests ordiscrimination.rules from the history .
