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"global warming will result to numerous changes" - essay needs editing


sothenkikisaid 1 / 3  
Jun 6, 2010   #1
hey im doing an essay on global warming. and would really like some assistence or rewriting this paragraph. thanks.

It is clear that the warming of the Earth's atmosphere will result to numerous changes in the environment if not reduced now. With global warming increasing, it may lead to disease, extreme weather, species affected and sea levels rising. When the atmosphere warms, the surface of the ocean and land may also warm. Thus, glaciers all over the world are beginning to melt all over the world. Sea levels will begin to rise in low-lying areas, causing flooding and land to disappear forever. According to Christine Lehman, "Because about 10 percent of the world's population lives near the seas at elevations lower than 30 feet above sea level, even a slight rise could inundate highly populated areas and leave millions of refugees" (Lehman). With continuous sea levels rising, parts of countries may have to evacuate. Natural disasters may occur more often than often. Scientists predict that during global warming, the northern regions of the Northern Hemisphere will heat up more than other areas of the planet. As a result, northern and mountain glaciers will begin to shrink, and less will ice floating on northern oceans. Today, there are floods in areas where flood is not very common and droughts in many places which should have a lot of rainfall. According to Nation Geographic, Floods and droughts will become more common. Rainfall in Ethiopia, where droughts are already common, could decline by 10 percent over the next 50 years. Less fresh water will be available. If the Quelccaya ice cap in Peru continues to melt at its current rate, it will be gone by 2100, leaving thousands of people who rely on it for drinking water and electricity without a source of either" ("Effects of Global").

Many people may be affected with the sea levels rising due to global warming. Some homes may be lost, leaving people without any food or place to go. In addition, entire ecosystems can be changed or even totally destroyed. The climate change is happening so rapidly that forests could die off from being unable to adapt to the environment. This is what is happening with many animals all over the world. Eventually, the animals will then die off and become extinct. Some animals cannot Many species are already extinct. Most animals are beginning to move more north, where cooler climates are located, so they can stay alive. Another major impact that is contributed from global warming is the growth of insect population in uncommon areas which can lead to negative effects human health. Such as mosquitoes and other insects are beginning to change location meaning, in which they are beginning to adapt in new areas. This can be unsafe for human health because it can result in the spread of malaria and other tropical diseases. Today 45 percent of the world's people live where they might get bitten by a mosquito carrying the parasite that causes malaria; that percentage may increase to 60 percent if temperatures rise. Other tropical diseases may spread similarly, including dengue fever, yellow fever, and encephalitis. Scientists also predict rising incidence of allergies and respiratory diseases as warmer air grows more charged with pollutants, mold spores, and pollens" ("Global Warming"). At this rate is increasing everyday and must be declined before anymore problems occur. According to A Changing World-Another View, these climate changes are happening quickly than before, even occurring now when it says: "However, the vast majority of scientists, especially those that have a strong knowledge in climate and related areas have concluded that rapid and dramatic changes are just around the corner, and some of this change is already occurring."All of these climate change effects are indirectly related to global warming.

OP sothenkikisaid 1 / 3  
Jun 6, 2010   #2
please some try and edit this essay because the deadline is due tomorrow.
meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Jun 6, 2010   #3
Hi Kiki

will resultto numerous changes in the environment

in* numerous ...to* the..

It is clear that the warming of the Earth's atmosphere will result to numerous changes in the environment if not reduced now

Swap the "if not.." to the beginning of the sentence. It is clear that if not reduced now, the warming of ...

With global warming increasing, it may lead to disease, extreme weather, species affected and sea levels rising.

keep the series parallel. (keep the tense the same)

When the atmosphere warms, the surface of the ocean and land may also warm.

As the*

Sea levels will begin to rise in low-lying areas, causing flooding and land to disappear forever.

Here the second clause modifies the wrong noun. Move "in low-lying areas" to the front of the sentence.
Also, within the paragraph, you change tense, from conditional, to present, to future. try to be a little more consistent if you can.
also, even though some people are speculative about global warming does not mean that you must take the "this may happen. that may occur" stance. assert your own opinion by taking out the may. unless, of course, you don't agree with global warming.

another thing, you can split the first paragraph into several smaller paragraphs, each dealing with a more specific point instead of going back and forth between natural disaster/flooding/natural disaster/flooding. from what you have here, you can organize into the effects of global warming on the glaciers/atmosphere, effects on the water levels and increase flooding, effects on the environments near/that need water, and effects from increased disease, with each general effect having its own paragraph. Bring together the quotes inside those paragraphs to better flush out your thoughts.

Such as mosquitoes and other insects are beginning to change location meaning, in which they are beginning to adapt in new areas.

incomplete clause.

Today 45 percent of the world's people live where they might get bitten by a mosquito carrying the parasite that causes malaria; that percentage may increase to 60 percent if temperatures rise.

good info. do you have a source for those percentages?

At this rate is increasing everyday and must be declined before anymore problems occur.

As* this...(incomplete sentence?)

are happening quickly

quicker*

even occurring now when it says: "However, the vast majority of scientists, especially those that have a strong knowledge in climate and related areas have concluded that rapid and dramatic changes are just around the corner, and some of this change is already occurring."All of these climate change effects are indirectly related to global warming.

why this quote here? it does not quite flow well. also, indirect would be like, i killed a fly; a lizard lost its dinner and died. i killed to lizard indirectly. however, if i find the lizard and hit its head with a stick, i have directly killed it. here, those climate changes are direct results of global warming, but the side effects, flooding, spread of disease, etc are indirect

make a stronger stance towards global warming, and re-organize.
good luck~ cheers
OP sothenkikisaid 1 / 3  
Jun 6, 2010   #4
thank you so much! i really appreciate it!


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