Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 29

GLOBALIZATION: Differences between nations are becoming less and less evident.


birdman 3 / 28  
Jul 19, 2011   #1
PLEASE PLEASE CHECK MY ESSAY and TELL YOUR OPINION ABOUT IT. IS IT APPROPRIATE OR NOT FOR THE IELTS EXAMINATION? THANKS BEFOREHAND.

Differences between nations are becoming less and less evident. People watch the same films, fashion, brands and TV channels all over the world.

To what extend do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

It has become very common to see and hear the same films and TV channels for the people all over the world. Some people think that it has much more disadvantages rather than advantages. Whether it is really so or not is quite a controversial issue for discussion.

First of all, I personally think that it is everything due to the globalization, which mainly comes from the United States of America. Those are films and TV channels which include mostly the sex and the violence. For instance, a famous American film called "American Pie" is recognized by young people all over the world and is played by young and "hungry" boys who think only about the sex and the girls.

Secondly, I advocate the view point that traditional skills and ways of life might change due to the globalization. A good example to illustrate that opinion is that it was very common for Uzbek people to wear their traditional clothes in the not so distant past, so today they willing to look like American people and try to wear fashionable clothes or even change the way of living.

In conclusion, I would like to state and that is with a big regret, that preventing the world from the globalization with comes from the United States of America seems to be impossible for people. Hence the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. I personally think that globalization includes mostly and mainly the sex and the violence which appear in American films and even on TV channels.
cchcal 3 / 6  
Jul 19, 2011   #2
Dear birdman

I think you could have added maturity to your piece by providing more explanation.

ie. in your second example, you raised the example of Uzbek people migrating away from their cultures and traditions due to the effect of globalization. Perhaps you might have thought or stating why that would not be a good thing, for eg, 'A good example that illustrates that opinion is that it used to be fairly common for Uzbek people to wear their traditional clothing, but with the advent of globalization, Uzbeks have discarded their so-thought-obsolete clothing to try to be in tandem with the American's fashion world. That might be a concern since traditions are such an important part of defining an individual and the loss of them bla bla bla bla bla'

And I think you should restructure the last sentence of your final paragraph as I don't seem to get the gist of it.
the leaf ninja 9 / 28  
Jul 19, 2011   #3
Hi Birdman, I think I have to be honest with you, in answer to your question, your essay is not appropriate for IELTS writing. I suggest you to read sample/model answer of IELTS writing task 2 from some high recommended books such as Cambridge IELTS series 1-8 and IELTS On Track, to see how they structure their essays and the way they write (adacemic writing). You should use less "I" and try to use more passive voice such as it is believed that.

Your example is OK but you need to be careful and dont be too specific, in your essay, it seems to me like the America is the root of all problems. That's not what the examiner want to read i believe. So again, be careful!

Cheers
bhaweshwebmaste 1 / 4  
Jul 19, 2011   #4
Your first paragraph seems to wordy.

Use more concise statement and don't use ' It ' pronoun without clear reference.

Nowadays, people from different corner of globe can watching same TV shows and films is a common phenomenon. However, the controversial issue is whether it is advantageous.

The second sentence of your second paragraph is quite long. Try splitting it into two short sentences. It will convey the stuff more clearly.
OP birdman 3 / 28  
Jul 19, 2011   #5
Thanks the leaf ninja and bhaweshwebmaste. Thank you very much. Answering to your statement the leaf ninja, I do not want to say that America is guilty of the globalization. To be honest, I have written the truth. Please try to understand me. Every type of film or something else includes very bad things (i have mentioned them above in my essay), do not you agree? I thought if one writes the truth of some kind of problem, it is the best to achieve high score... Maybe I was wrong???
OP birdman 3 / 28  
Jul 20, 2011   #6
PLEASE PLEASE CHECK MY ESSAY and TELL YOUR OPINION ABOUT IT. IS IT APPROPRIATE OR NOT FOR THE IELTS EXAMINATION? THANKS BEFOREHAND.

Differences between nations are becoming less and less evident. People watch the same films, fashion, brands and TV channels all over the world.
ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Jul 20, 2011   #7
-->

I personally think that globalization includes mostly and mainly the sex and the violence which appear in American films and even on TV channels.

hahaahhahah u have cracked me up with this line...my friend Globalisation is such a vast phenomenon that u can't even streamline it to only sex and y r u blaming USA so much in this essay?? lol... USA didnt invent sex my friend, in fact its a great country where sexual freedom is given to its citizens.

---> u have clearly deviated from ur topic - not even a single line has been written by you to show how this so called "globalisation or sex promotion" by the hands of USA (as u have stated repeatedly) was or is responsible for creating rift between nations or bridging the gap between the people.

MAYBE U NEED TO REWRITE THIS ESSAY.

-->Also don't try to be a judge in essay writing...all exams -gre/toefl/ielts strictly never want the student to b judging any particular perspective unless its a worldwide fact...this essay seems related to "sexual promotion by movies" more than related to the above mentioned topic.

---->u also need to revolve ur essay around the points mentioned in the essay question.... "films, fashion, brands and TV channels " are given in the question as IELTS wants u to give ur opinion with respect to these particular points.

---> also read the 5 para approach for argumentative esssays on google.

---> dont lose heart, it used to happen to me also,,,, deviating from a topic is not a major problem, u need to just read the question again n again n write ur arguments based on it,.


GOOD LUCK N CHEERS

QUOTE FOR U:
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

- Walter Bagehot
OP birdman 3 / 28  
Jul 20, 2011   #8
Well ajit88rai thanks. I have understood your point of view. However, I would like to mention one thing, do you agree that many western films include bad things mentioned above in my essay? Unfair as it may seem but the things are as they are. It is very common for us to watch those films that include bad things... It is not a secret, is not it??? by the way I agree that my last sentence is absolutely wrong. It was a stupid thing for me to write it. I will appreciate if you reply me. Thanks!!!
ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Jul 20, 2011   #9
It depends on the society n the reformation --- if western countries have an open mindset towards these things then its not a bad thing---- there r many countries in the world which even bans women from watching football matches ?y? coz guys in football matches wear shorts--- hahaaha isnt that being tooo narrow minded? i dont think american pie was a bad movie at all-- in fact i loved it--- coz i think of it as humour n not vulgarity--- it all depends on anyone's perspective my friend.
OP birdman 3 / 28  
Jul 20, 2011   #10
We can understand such a film, but what about little children?? they will understand it differently. That is why I wrote such a statement and blamed the USA MOSTLY in my essay. What is your opinion?
ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Jul 20, 2011   #11
All such movie come under Adult category--- n shit is everyewhere ---- it shud b the parents , n guardians who shud monitor kids--- besides usa is not the centre of this thing---- besides internet provides all such vulgarity to children easily my frnd--- as u can see China which allows only selected 20 foreign movies per year- so in similar way if the govt of that country doesnt want its people to see such things-it shud ban it..

--dont blame any particular country fr such things, what substantial proof can u give that usa started it? or if usa is responsible for promoting vulgar movies which children watch? do tell me which research or study showed this fact?

in fact i have once read in a newspaper that according to a survey, pakistanis surf pornographic content the most in the world..

-stop thinking anti-USA n think globally my frnd
start208 14 / 68  
Jul 20, 2011   #12
ALL what u said ARness (Ajit Rai) is true and I agree with it. Yet, a fact to consider is that the whole world is moving towards one single culture, modern culture, in which other cultures melt away. This one culture, despite seeing it as universal one,is in fact, western and most precisely AMERICAN culture.

Wait don't get me wrong. I have nothing against US but the fact is that the whole world is being under American pressures, in a way or other, to goes with the stream. American stream.

LADIB
ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Jul 20, 2011   #13
Yet, a fact to consider is that the whole world is moving towards one single culture, modern culture, in which other cultures melt away.

U r right Ismail in saying that...the world is surely moving to one culture n those who r against modernization are still indulged in controlling women, n abusing human rights...

the whole world is being under American pressures, in a way or other, to goes with the stream. American stream.

How can you blaim this all on just one country? USA is at the pinnacle of success in most of the fields, is that why it should it be blamed? USA is a great country where people from all countries/color/creed/ethnicity/religion live together and they all have their own cultures and they do follow it over there too. One's culture is for him to follow, not for others. Moreover, if you have ever talked to any European, you will know that their culture is even more open than the American culture. This transformation in the culture is coming as a result of technological advancement and education . I live in India, and India has experienced major cultural transition in last few decades and there is nothing to blame on USA for that. Have you ever felt why is the whole world moving towards western culture??? Its because countries in the west are more open & less hypocrites, they guarantee their citizens all the human rights , all the freedom and all the fun everyone should have. Every culture has their own good and bad aspects.and their is no definition of good/bad. What you consider as bad, I might consider as good. The rule above all rules which I follow is that no culture is superior or inferior- I don't believe in sweating bullets over religion or culture. This world is a big place and one should enjoy the diversity and fun it has to offer and not look down upon countries/culture/people.
OP birdman 3 / 28  
Jul 21, 2011   #14
Nobody here is blaming the USA for bad movies, but the USA produces such films every year or am I mistaken??? (by the way we are not talking about pornographic ones. It is not related to our topic). As Ismail has mentioned above, the whole world is moving towards one single culture, modern culture, this one culture, despite seeing it as universal one,is in fact, western and most precisely AMERICAN culture... It is really so. And it has become the acknowledged fact. You know, I want to ask you one question. Definitely you would not watch "American Pie" with your parents by your side. I would not do such a thing either. It is ashamed for me of doing so. Our parents are against of such films. They do not want us to have the "rubbish" in our minds. So do you agree with me????
ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Jul 21, 2011   #15
There are a lot of things people should not do in front of parents. USA is the most dominant country in this world and it is not its fault that others are trying to ape it.

-Moreover as I have repeatedly said- go and see some European movies too.

-Besides as far as I think usa directors are not craving for others to watch it. It is your will to watch it or not.

-Besides we all are independent beings n can think what we like .

Good luck n adios.
OP birdman 3 / 28  
Jul 21, 2011   #16
To sum up I would like to say, dear ARness (Ajit Rai) everyone has its own opinion about any topic. So do we... Thank you. It was a good debate I should say. Good Luck!!!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 21, 2011   #17
I think you should try to sum up your main idea in a single sentence and add that sentence to the end of the first paragraph.--that is my most important advice. :-)

First of all, I personally think that it is everything due to the globalization, which mainly comes from the United States of America.

To be clear, globalization comes from technology. It does not come from anything other than technology. We could say it comes from imperialism, but even imperialism is a phenomenon rooted in technology.

But the interesting question is this: if globalization makes cultures blend together so that the old versions of cultures disappear, is that a good thing or a bad thing?

I see some great discussion above... you are some thoughtful scholars!

Well, here is my question: Is it possible for a culture to DISAPPEAR, or do cultures just blend together like different colors of paint?
OP birdman 3 / 28  
Jul 21, 2011   #18
Answering to your first question EF_Kevin I think that the disappearing of the old versions of culture is a bad thing. Only imagine that all your ancestors used to celebrate any type of tradition... With the time passing you live in the world where globalization is appears. You begin to forget about some kind of traditions and try to be in one tandem with the Western world. A breach of a tradition occurs. Hence it becomes a disgrace for you not to celebrate the traditions that your ancestors used to do. That is my view point.

Answering to your last question I should say that it rather a debatable question. "Different colors of paint" seems to be the Western world for me, but not the whole one. We all willing to wear the clothes like them or to do any other thing, in general, to live the life they are living. People in our country Uzbekistan look like American ones. They wear fashionable clothes as I do, but not traditional ones (unfortunately neither do I). The time will show its consequences. We should only wait. A culture might disappear. Am I understood?
ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Jul 21, 2011   #19
Disappearing of an old culture for the betterment of technology,society and lifestyle is not a bad thing at all. Festivals dont include that, however if ancestors followed some blind faith tradition because of lack of educational awakening or available scientific proofs, then its the duty of the young generation to NOT follow it.

- Besides Kevin's color of paints is a great example as I think that this is what USA and India both are- an mixture of so many cultures. Do give one example where a good cultural tradition was lost due to USA dominance??

-In India people in earlier times used to wear dhoti- kurtas but due to the influence of the Britishers, it all changed and people started wearing shirt, pants ,suits etc. coz they were more comfortable and easy to wear. If some other nation has something good , then there is nothing wrong in absorbing it. If u think that you have lost a culture by wearing western clothes then you should not wear it and also suggest your peers. Initiate first and suggest later.
celu 8 / 20  
Jul 22, 2011   #20
today they willing to look like American people and try to wear fashionable clothes or even change the way of living.

Which world do you live in ? All Europe, Russia China ,Japan etc, wear fashionable clothes . Why America influenced you ?
ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Jul 22, 2011   #21
Ok let me give u some facts--
1. Men suits- originated in early eighteetn century during Victorian era from the Britishers.
2.Jeans- is derived from word Genoa which was a clothing worn by sailors of genoa and later it became as jeans for rugged use.
3.Denims- derive from frnch word "serge de Nimes" was produced in late 16th century in France.

4.T shirts- these originated in USA carved from under-clothings , and was specifically designed for US soldiers ,marines etc and later during the great depression it was the cheapest n most common clothing worn by whole europe and america.

5-Bikini- the modern bikini was invented by French engineer Louis Reard in 1946

6-LINGERIE-Lingerie is derived from French word "Linge" and its dated as back as 3000BC worn in Egypt(documented proofs r available).

Now my friend if you see all above facts- USA invented only T shirt while all fashionable clothings were invented in France . u shud rectify urself n clear ur misunderstanding-USA does not propagates fashion in the world neither does it thrust it on anyone. Moreover France is considerd fashion capital of the world not USA-French gals r really cute -- hahahaha..

- u r in 21st century not 11th century. People dont wanna live as Nomads ...people wanna eat a pizza but cnt endure a gal wearing bikini-people wanna wear Tux but cant endure public kissing---Its all hypocrisy--if one wants to b modern, they shud accept modernization else if they wanna live in hyper control regimes-they shud go to middle east- there r plenty of countries who follow ruthless core traditions over there.
start208 14 / 68  
Jul 22, 2011   #22
hi;
Again I like your writing ARness (Ajit Rai), and I agree with all the facts you stated. I didn't inted to write but when i came to the last line I just cn't let what you said (in a proud and prejudiced way) against middle east countries that follow ruthless core traditions over there. Do you mean their culture is inferior! or the religion they follow(Islam) is not true or do you mean their poverty caused by their governments which are pressered by USA ;;;?!

If it's the culture; you just recall tha advice u give earlier ( there's no good/bad culture)
If the other reasons, please try to enlightn us.
(by the way I live in North africa far from Middle east)
Many thanks.
ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Jul 22, 2011   #23
I dont consider any religions inferior- I bow my head in front of ALLAH with the same respect as i bow infront of Jesus or any Hindu god n even the sikh gods too- coZ as a human i believe we shud acknowledge blessings from all.

-Why i mentioned Middle east? few days back in Times of India newspaper- I read that a woman journalist was jailed in Iran as she wanted to cover the Women's Football World Cup final. I always condemn any rude behaviour against female-Coz I live in a modern world and I believe that a woman should be given the due respect and the equality as males. You can count numerous judgments against women rights and. human rights related to middle eastern countries. I hate hypocrites .

-I dont consider any culture as inferior or superior. Science is enough to demolish all foolish blind beliefs. My ideal is APJ Abdul Kalam- former president of India-A great scientist - and above all a down to earth human...n as a matter of fact he is a Muslim but I love n respect him more than any damn Hindu leader---Its not the religion caste or color which should separate us-It shud b our attitude which will cause rift.

-By Middle East I solely meant a geographical area- as u will say India is in South-asia.
OP birdman 3 / 28  
Jul 22, 2011   #24
Well, while watching American films we see how they live, what type of clothes they wear and what their life style is in general. In my country Uzbekistan, that is in Central Asia, much more American films are broadcast rather than any other film. When somebody says "the Western developed world", first of all, the United States of America comes to my mind, but not France or Italy for example. Tell me American film that you know... Definitely you will give me a list of names consisting of 100 pages... However, tell me any Chinese film... It will be difficult for you as well as for me to do this. In my opinion, the USA is the first initiator of the globalization. That after that time people have begun to recognize the countries like France or Italy. For example, everybody in the world knows who David Beckham is... He used to be one of the best football players in the world. However you can find some people that hardly know who are for instance, Raul or even Messi are. It is my comparison. The same thing is with countries too. That is the USA on "whom" we try to look like. By the way, no good culture has been lost due to the dominance of the USA. The time will show it definitely.
ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Jul 22, 2011   #25
Correcting u David Beckham is an English footballer.

-Raul Gonzalez - spanish striker n also a real madrid player.

-Lionel Messi- Argentine forward footballer who also plays for Barcelona.

-and i didnt know about them from google but from my own interest in soccer.

It depends on the field of interest and none of the above players are from USA.

-As far as movies are considered Death at a funeral, Kinky boots, Charlie and the chocolate factory are alll British films... Even the famous Harry Potter series is a joint venture of US-UK artists. People watch these films mainly because their original language is English---Chinese films are mainly in chinese while spain makes spanish films... when the director makes a movie in a local language-it also attracts limited audience. I know Mandarin is considered as the language spoken by most people but I also know that neither u nor me know mandarin---we are conversing in English-so thats y movies made in English are more famous-Its the language barrier.

-USA is the super power-It has excelled in all fields -from Science to Arts, society to education-- thats why people get influenced by it... Would u not wish to study in Harvard or MIT?? I would because I know its the best...people are attracted to the best not the worst--- they have the best -I am not a U.S . citizen but I respect that country as it has shown over a long period of time that its superior in all fields not just one.
OP birdman 3 / 28  
Jul 22, 2011   #26
hahahaha))) I didn't say that the football players mentioned above are from the USA. No, not of course. I enjoy football very much. And believe me I know about it very well (by the way Raul Gonzalez is playing in Schalke 04 but not Real Madrid). I only illustrated an example related to football. I say that David Beckham is like the USA (I did not say that he is from there)...

I DO want to study there. It is a great pleasure for me to live and study there. I am repeating one more time, I am not blaming the USA for the above mentioned things, BUT THE THINGS ARE AS THEY ARE... It is a fact.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 23, 2011   #27
the disappearing of the old versions of culture is a bad thing. Only imagine that all your ancestors used to celebrate any type of tradition...

I think it is NICE to preserve old traditions, but keep in mind that those old traditions did not always exist. At one time, they were new trends. A few centuries from now, the modern trends will be the old traditions.

In fact, I argue that modern trends are SACRED in the same way old traditions are sacred.

Also, keep in mind the fact that people who cling to old ways are also the people who thwart progress -- for example, my friend's grandfather preserves old traditions, and he also discourages her from having a career in medicine because that is traditionally a "man's career."

Also, there was a tradition in India where wives would kill themselves if their husbands died! "Sati."

And it is not just about gender equality. We also have traditions associated with the way we work to produce goods. If we cling to old ways, we cannot benefit from modern efficiency.

However, I think there is some magic available in the old ways. Use them for their accumulated magical power. :-)

I bow my head in front of ALLAH with the same respect as i bow infront of Jesus or any Hindu god n even the sikh gods too- coZ as a human i believe we shud acknowledge blessings from all.

Wow, very profound right here. I think I will make this my religion too, Ajit. Thanks for the wisdom!
OP birdman 3 / 28  
Jul 23, 2011   #28
It is a debatable topic I should say and everybody has its own point of view. That is why people debate))) Thanks)))
ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Jul 23, 2011   #29
"CONSCIENCE" -THIS is the best religion in the world... no culture ,tradition,ritual, or religion is above one's conscience..when ur conscience really allows u to do anything or follow anything-only then that shud be followed... no matter if one is educated or uneducated-the conscience always knows whats right n wrong---people who do wrong actually ignore their conscience first... one should only believe in enlightening their "conscience"--- n all the gods will then certainly shower their blessings on that person.


Home / Writing Feedback / GLOBALIZATION: Differences between nations are becoming less and less evident.