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IELTS Task 2 - In this globalization era, tourism is huge business field



wahyu 16 / 28  
Apr 8, 2016   #1
Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists rather than local people.
Why is this?
What can be done to encourage local people to visit museums and historical sites?


In this globalization era, tourism is huge business field. Several museums and historical spots become the most favorite destination which is visited by oversea people rather than local folk. This essay is going to describe some reasons why it happen, and the treatments to encourage local dwellers to visit the museum and historical areas.

Recently, the most visitors in such museums and historical locations are dominated by foreign tourist rather than local people because of some causes. Local people think that those places are not interesting since they always see those place and some of artifacts which are displayed in the museums are able to be seen in their daily activities such as traditional weapon, cloth and transportation. In contrast, the international visitors think that it is not only valuable goods but also cultural heritages which give us what ancestor did in the past. According to the survey from Stanford University in 2015 released that visitors who visited museum or historical buildings were dominated by oversea person at 74percent. It means that visiting museum is not favorite choice for local inhabitants.

Obviously, there are some mechanisms which can be maximized to attract local folk to visit the museum. Firstly, the museums has to make correction in their services for example giving discount ticket in the weekend, opening museums on until the night and making competitions which have many rewards. Secondly, the committee of schools has to insert visiting museums and historical areas in their historical lessons. Then the official has to support financial to keep and improve facilities and artifact which are displayed in the museums.

To sum up, it is evident that those are the two different points between local people and foreign visitor for visiting reasons in museums and historical buildings and several mechanisms for making native inhabitants to visit it. I hope that in the future all of component in society can support museum not only place to display such goods but also to see what had be done by our progenitors.

Diandin16 9 / 9  
Apr 8, 2016   #2
The aforementioned evidence shows that between locals and ...

Wahyu, this is my alternative of your conclusion paragraph:

the aforementioned evidence shows that between locals and foreign visitors, there are two different reasons in visiting museums and historical buildings. other than that there are several mechanisms to make the natives to visit both the historic sites. In my view, visitors should not only look at the historical displays, but they can also interpret how the struggle of earlier ancestors
ichanpants89 16 / 742  
Apr 8, 2016   #3
Wahyu, I notice an outstanding works on your conclusion. It was the best part of your essay, but unfortunately it seems that you unconsciously left your introduction and body paragraphs behind. That said, I made some corrections which you can take as a consideration of your upcoming essays.

- why it happen(s)
- the most visitors
- which are displayed in the museums are able (better to end this sentence due to missing subject for the fourth clause)
- In museums, we are able to be seenin their daily activitiesmany items such as traditional weapon, cloth(s) and mode of transportation.
- think that it isthe museums are not only displayed valuable goods, (comma) but also...
- which give tell us..
- survey from Stanford University in 2015 released that , visitors (directly mention it without giving 'indirect speech' sign)
- oversea person at 74percentforeigners, at approximately 74 percent
- the favorite choice for local...
- make correction in theirevaluation of their services , for example... (comma)
- ....by giving discount
- opening museums on(double prepositions) until themid night
- which haveprovide many rewards

Spelling errors:
- oversea = overseas

As you can see, there are still many works to do. Keep struggling hard and do your best for the next one! :)


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