GMAT issue essay - censorship of television programmes

I had written this essay for practicing for GMAT AWA essay. Please provide your feedback.

Topic:
In some countries, television and radio programs are carefully censored for offensive language and behavior. In other countries, there is little or no censorship.
In your view, to what extent should government or any other group be able to censor television or radio programs? Explain, giving relevant reasons and/or examples to support your position

My response:

The extent of government or group control over censorship of television and radio programmes depends upon the audience that those programmes are meant for.
Programmes telecasted over television and radios may contain offensive language or visuals, which may be harmful for the viewers. I believe that all programmes on television and radio should be censored by the governement or a responsible group.

The chief reason for my view is that programmes on radio and television attract children the most. If those programmes contain offensive language, violent or scary visuals, or any other kind of socially unacceptable behavior, they can have a strong impact on the minds of children and young adults. For example, very often we come across children using abusive language that they learn from uncontrolled viewing of television programmes. Moreover, several children in India tried to imitate the hero of a fantasy programme and jumped from heights, hoping that they will be rescued by the hero, but tragically died. If such programmes are not censored with a view of the impact they have on children, such incidents will keep on occurring.

Another reason for my view is that often programmes on television and radio contain material which are crime related, and result in an increase in the incidents of crime. Even ordinary criminals like pick pockets or thieves get to know new way of performing crimes and evading from law. Often people who are not inclined towards criminal activities find it as an easy way of earning, and are provoked by such programmes. With censorship, crime can be controlled from spreading.

Few might argue that censorship takes away the touch of reality from the programmes and they appear more to be like a fairy tale. However, the impact that those programmes, if uncensored, have on children cannot be overlooked for the sake of entertainment. Yet, others might argue that those who want to commit criminal acts will do so, whether they watch it on television or not. However, censorship will prevent few people from committing crimes, mostly those who get provoked by watching crime on television.

To sum up, programmes on television and radio should be censored keeping in mind the impact on children and young adults, and they should not have contents which can potentially provoke people to commit criminal acts. Censorship may reduce appeal of the programme for adults and may make the programmes less enjoyable, but these considerations should not overshadow the concern for providing a healthy environment for children to grow up and a better and safer society.

As I don't want to make any wrong judgements about your essay, I found it easy to follow which is very good.

Thanks a lot for your feedback.

I would also like to add few criteria which are used for judging the essays on GMAT, so that one may judge my essay in relation to these as well.

We are required to analyze the issue presented and explain our point of view on the subject.
The essay tests our ability to explore the complexities of an issue or opinion and, if appropriate, to take a position. Apart from command over english, the capacity to write analytically is assessed. We need to consider various perspectives, use relevant reasons or examples in support of our views.

I want to know how I can improve my essay to meet the above mentioned criteria.

You've not done that. You argue for government censorship of television without once addressing the political impact of censorship of news programs or of the themes of entertainment programs.

Thanks for the response.

I'm sorry I missed out on mentioning one point - the GMAT authorities also say that a specific knowledge of the essay topic is not necessary; only our capacity to write analytically is assessed.

Missing out crucial points would not be good for me though, thanks for the important tip.

One need not have specialized knowledge, only the most cursory awareness of current events and history, to know that government censorship of media has been and continues to be used to suppress democracy in numerous countries. It would signal lack of analytic ability to fail to mention this when arguing for government censorship of television.

Your problem here stems from a failure to define your key terms, namely censorship. You seem to be dealing with censorship of television programs aimed at children, or at least likely to air in prime time. However, censorship can also refer to censorship of news programs for political reasons, which is what Simone is concerned about. If you had explained what you meant by censorship, what its purposes and limits should be, in your introduction, the issue would likely not have arisen.

Right, and even here you can run into trouble. A government could claim, for example, that scenes of the recent unrest in Iraq ought not be shown in daytime or prime time because they contain bloodshed that could be upsetting to children.

Actually, if you believe that censorship of television is necessary to protect children, then that argument would presumably be valid -- television news is by far the most negative and violent programming available, and it runs 24/7. Not saying I agree with censorship (I don't), but the example wouldn't be "trouble" for the thesis the author is arguing.