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TOEFL> government should spend more money in university than children

ddpddpzzz 3 / 7  
May 17, 2011   #1
i'm sorry... i post my thread very frequently... but it remains little time.
anyway... i want to frank corrections and advices !!!

Q>government should spend more money in university than children in order to successful development of country.

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Those who consider the fastest, the best might want to get a quick result. However, I do not agree that, investing money for university students, rather than supporting children, plays a pivotal role when it comes to making successful country. There are two main aspects; to make financially successful country and to have a stable society.

First, as far as financial success is concerned, it is better to invest for children. As society is getting more complex, competition among nations is getting fiercer. Therefore, the key of economical success has changed. It was to depend mainly on how many products they could make, but now it is to rely on how creative they are. Besides, as far as supports from companies are concerned, university students already have plentiful supports from companies. On the other hand, if the government do not pay attention to cultivate children's creativity, potential. Competitive of nation will be lesson dramatically in the near future-It is not a twenty, but a teenage that we can cultivate our creativity and figure out our aptitude. Considering these aspects, instead of investing money for university students, the governments have to support children to have exceptional insight in predicting tomorrows' trends, unique ways of thinking in running the Internet business, and special eyes to see what others cannot see in conquering 'Blue Ocean' so that a country do not fall behind in fast-changing world.

Moreover, when it comes to a social stability, the government spends money for children, not university students. These days, a number of people are stressed out due to unsatisfied jobs and a routine life. This is because many people in the past had to but to choose their job in university with a short-term view without enough consideration of aptitude. Of course, some might say that there is neither inborn aptitude nor perfect jobs based on it. However, as long as we put our time and energy into finding our aptitude, we are highly likely to discover our aptitude and talents, which is definitely necessary in these highly stressful societies. In a survey conducted by the sociology department of Seoul National University, it revealed that Finland had more stable society compared to Korea. This has results of the fact that 89.2% of Finns including carpenters, teachers, and politicians were satisfied to their jobs and this was attributed to efforts from the government at their early age. On the other hands, if the government had invested their money in university only with short-term viewpoints, Many Finns could have not satisfied to their jobs and their society would remain hectic. This is not an isolated case; a survey in Japan revealed the same results for the same reasons. Considering these aspects, by supporting children, the government should give people more opportunities so that they can enjoy their life. Unless, it will cause fatal damage both nation and its people.
mywill 4 / 10  
May 18, 2011   #2
you should mention TOEFL CBT or Ibt at first. The most important thing in TOEFL ibt in writing independent task is that you should not write too much because:

1. The more you write, the more distracting our essay is.
2. You talk in a balanced way about this kind of tissue, which can help you get a higher score in writing.
3. You need time to check up as well as correct, so try to write shortly but aptly.

Those who are considered the fastest, the best may want to get a quick result. However, I do not agree that investing money in university rather than supporting children plays a vital role in building a successful country. ---> You do not need to start logically like this way. The best way is that you enter a new passage with the beginning: first of all, firstly,...{There are two main aspects; to make financially successful country and to have a stable society.{
SamuelWei 3 / 6  
May 19, 2011   #3
mywill's suggestion is so good. maybe u can see some samples written by natives. it would help u a lot.
i strongly recommend u to write a ending in ur essay. the structure of the essay will be better.

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