Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


IELTS; GRAPH - evolving trend of population aged 65 and over



lanlinhcc 1 / -  
Oct 30, 2013   #1
Task 1
The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant.
(The graph is attached)

This graph illustrates the evolving trend of population aged 65 and over from 1940 to 2040 in Japan, Sweden, and USA.
In general, the proportion of population aged 65 and over in the three countries is expected to increase and reach to approximate 25 percent in 2040. The percentage of old people in Japan started form 5 percent in 1940 and slightly dipped into 2.5 or 3 percent during the next four decades before it raised to 10 percent in 2000. Moreover, the figure was expected to experience an dramatic increase to more than 25 percent in the next 40 years.

On the other hand, despite some fluctuations, the proportion of population aged 65 and over in the two Western countries shows the continuing upward trend through the century. The figure for Sweden, which started from nearly 8 percent in 1940, was predicted to reach to around 26 percent in 2040. Meanwhile, the rate of old people in USA, which was the highest among the three countries at the beginning with nearly 10 percent, may end up about 23 percent, the lowest proportion among three countries, in 2040.


  • 203103_1_o.jpg


dumi 1 / 6793  
Oct 31, 2013   #2
This is very well written. The structure I generally recommend for this task is ;
Introduction + Overview + Details.
Also, you are required to post these two tasks separately. In fact that would help you earn more comments too. So I have removed the second task from this post and you are required to open a fresh thread for that. You also need to have a meaningful topic for your essays and post IELTS essays to writing feedback forum.
Traveler 6 / 14  
Oct 31, 2013   #3
Hi, I suggest you to change a little bit the organization of your details paragraphs. Try to make one paragraph in which you compare the figures for all the countries in 1940, then you can say what happened during the following decades. In your last paragraph say what are the predictions for the year 2040.

Hope it helps


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS; GRAPH - evolving trend of population aged 65 and over
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳