Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7


Ielts line graph-percentage of population aged 65 and over


yucky 6 / 9 7  
Sep 19, 2013   #1
The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. (Cambridge ielts 5, page 29)


The line chart describes the percentage of elderly people whose age is 65 and over in Japan , Sweden and the USA . Overall, the figure indicates an upward trend in all three mentioned countried.

The USA started at just below 10%, which is the highest porportion in comparison to that of Sweden and Japan, 7% and 5%, respectively. The percentage of the old in the USA first witnessed a rapid increase to precisely 15% in 1980. Following a similar patern , the Sweden figure rose to just under 15%. There is then a low period of stabilazition in the porportion of population aged 65 and over in The USA, not until the year 2020 is it predicted to rise dramatically and hit a peak of below 25%, though it is the lowest one compared to the others. On the contrary, the percentage in Sweden fluctuated with an upward trend , overtook that of the USA in 1999 with just under 15%, after that, it is anticipated to rocket to a quarter in 2040. At the other end of the scale, Japan's porportion of the elder remained the lowest in the first 70 years of the period, but then is expected to suddenlly rocket to 27% in 2040, which makes Japan become the country with largerst percentage of people aged 65 and over in 3 countries



Kalyn17992 9 / 19 1  
Sep 19, 2013   #2
not until the year 2020 is it predicted to rise dramatically

i think it is predicted to.... not is it predicted
hope you helps
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Sep 19, 2013   #3
whose age is

aged

The USA started at just below 10%

In 1940, elderly people represented 10% of USA population

which is the highest porportion

which was the highest proportion

There is then a low period of stabilazition

This was succeeded by a period of stabilization

, not until the year 2020 is it predicted to rise dramatically and hit a peak of below 25%,

You could start a new sentence from here to avoid a very long sentence.

overtook that

overtaking that

, after that, it is anticipated to rocket to a quarter in 2040

Again, this could make a new sentence.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Sep 24, 2013   #4
[quote=yucky]Overall, the figure indicates an upward trend in all three mentioned countried.countries quote]
Take this to the next para and write at least one more line to give a better overview.
Plank 2 / 4  
Sep 24, 2013   #5
In my opinion, you should divide the second paragraph into detailed paragraphs as follow:

- 2nd paragraph: USA, Sweden
- 3rd paragraph: Japan

I generally think that this structure will be better and clearer.
Traveler 6 / 14 2  
Sep 27, 2013   #6
Overall, the figure indicates an upward trend in all three mentioned countried.

Mention in your overview paragraph that Japan is the country with the largest increase.
hisho88 4 / 6  
Sep 27, 2013   #7
i think your task must be divided into paragraphs and try to connect the sentences more effectively


Home / Writing Feedback / Ielts line graph-percentage of population aged 65 and over
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳