elderly people in three countries
The graph below shows the proportion of the populatin aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
The graph provides an overview of the percentages of people whose age is 65 years old or more in 100 years since 1940 to 2040 in three different nations namely Japan, USA, and Sweden. It can be clearly seen that the three lines describe an overall increase throughout the period of time analyzed.
According to the data displayed, the proportion of elderly people (over 65 years) in both, the USA and Sweden, showed a slight increase with low starting points under 10 percent until a final value around 25% 100 years later. It is worthy to point out the fact that the Sweden line showed a series of ups and downs despite its overall tendency to increase. Meanwhile, the USA data illustrated two main tendencies; it showed rising sequences and steady ones alternatively with a final sharp rise from 2020 to 2040.
Turning to the information provided from Japan, this country had the lowest starting point in 1940 of 5% and unlike the other two nations tended to diminish the first 20 years of this period. From 1960 forward, the amount of people over 65 years began to rise gradually until 2030. At this point, the predictions show a fast change in the proportion of 65 years people, increasing around 15% almost instantaneously.
To summarize, the data displayed in the graph describe the past situation with elderly people amount in three nations and the future predictions until the year 2040. In every case, the percentage of 65-years people tended to increase its value.
(253 words in 21.45 minutes)
Dariela,
You apparently addressed the prompt very well. Although I'm not a native-speaker and can't properly point out grammar mistakes, there are some things to be considered:
1. "The graph provides an overview ..." You should use commas here.
2. "in both, the USA and Sweden," no commas here
3. "starting point in 1940 of 5%" I guess you were just writing fast, but remember to invert it: "starting point of 5% in 1940"
I'm not sure, but it looks like IELTS. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck on your prompt!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15388 Dariela, when you provide a Task 1 essay for review, you must always include the illustration that you are discussing. I need to have a baseline reference for your statements and that comes with the illustration you are describing. Your opening statement seems to be in order. I cannot tell if there are any missing important elements because of the missing illustration. A word of advice though, you should always aim to write a uniform number of sentences per paragraph in order to meet the best requirements of the C&C scoring section. That means, at least 3 sentences per paragraph. Learn how to divide the information into 3 sentences by avoiding the use of commas and instead, place a period at strategic points in order to signify new, related information. That way, you avoid run on sentences and always stay on the path that could lead to more complex sentence development for an improved GRA score. Good work on placing the trending statement at the end as it serves as a unique closing statement. Bad work in the sense that you lack the minimum 3 sentence requirement for that part. If you had placed the trending sentence along with the overview summary, you would have gotten a better score for it.
The graph provides an overview... The graph shows the percentages of people from the United States, Japan, and Sweden aged 65 years or older since 1940, all the way to 2014
(over 65 years) - this isn't needed since we already know that they are 65 years old and older based on your intro.
It is worthy to point out the fact that the Sweden line ... Line is an informal term for the purpose of this essay; use projection instead, maybe.