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IELTS WRITING TASK 1: The graph shows the percentages of people going to cinemas in a country


janeee 1 / -  
Aug 11, 2021   #1

cinema-goers in three different years



The bar chart compares the proportion of citizens from a European nation spending time at the cinemas during a week in 2003, 2005 and 2007..

It is clear that Saturday was the most favoured day to go to the cinemas in three given years. The percentage of European people arriving to the cinemas on Friday and weekends were higher than that on the other days of the week in three periods 2003, 2005 and 2007.

On the first four days of the week, the figure of cinema- goers in the three mentioned years experienced some fluctuations. In those four days, the percentage of citizens choosing to go to cinemas in that country had its peak at around 20% on Tuesday in three years, before witnessing a slight decrease on the next day by around 5% in 2003, 2005 and nearly 10% in 2007 respectively.

On Friday, after increasing remarkably, the figure for cinema visitors in three years in that country stood at 30%. In particular, Saturday had the highest proportion of movie-goers in three years among other days at 40%, 45% and about 43 % in 2003, 2005 and 2007 respectively. were about 10% higher than that Sunday



Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,978 3867  
Aug 12, 2021   #2
The writer needs to learn to vary time references in relation to the 3 indicated years. His constant mention of the 3 years consistently in the essay creates reader fatigue. It also shows a limited vocabulary as the reference to the years from the image have no variations throughout the report. Some variations are:

- Indicated years
- corresponding year references
- specified eras

to name a few variations that would have limited the redundant reference presentations.

The image measurements are compared based on 3 years, per day. That is not clearly referenced in the paragraphs. Consider using a more defined presentation next time. Clarity is after all, a major scoring consideration.
ieywa 3 / 10  
Aug 16, 2021   #3
@janeee
Hi. I'm on learning process as well for my writing. These some tips that I learn for writing;

1. Summary the information, do not figure any detail, and do not concentrate to detail
2. Find trends & key features
3. Do not miss any significant data
4. Group similar data together
5. Use figures to support description

If I was you, I would talk in second paragraph about the details of each year, how the percentage from Monday to Sunday. After that, I will compared it between years.
aanh1009 4 / 7  
Aug 24, 2021   #4
@ieywa
Hi I am also a beginner so I think I can't help you much but I think you should say "It is evidentially obvious" instead of "It is clear". Similarly, you can use "statistics","ratio", rather than just "percentage". Hope I helped.
uyenmy2504 2 / 2  
Aug 29, 2021   #5
I hope that it can help you.
In those four days, the percentage of citizens choosing to go to cinemas in that country had its peak ( had it peak -> rocketed to a pinnacle) at around 20% on Tuesday in three years, before witnessing a slight decrease on the next day by around 5% in 2003, 2005 and nearly 10% in 2007 respectively.
thien le 2 / 8 3  
Aug 30, 2021   #6
firstly, you should use more relative clause which makes your report more exciting
for example
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of citizens who spent time at the cinemas in Europe during a week ...

secondly, you also could write some comparative sentences
for example, the figure for cinema visitors in three years in that country stood at 30%
-> On Friday in 2003 had exactly the same percentage of cinema visitors as in 2005 and 2007, at 30%.

finally, you can use approximately , nearly to replace for around or about. this helps you not repeating words more times.


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