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IELTS: the graph show the number of passenger railway journeys

iamchop 6 / 11  
Jun 6, 2014   #1
Task1: the graph show the number of passenger railway journeys in Great Britain between 1950 and 2004/5.
Summerize the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

Graph: pik.vn/201471f827bf-2e7b-4d36-b4bf-62fa5b16cc83.jpeg

Please show me the mistakes of the essay and let me know how much band i get. Thanks very much

The graph illustrates information about the number of people using three railway systems in Great Britain between 1950 and 2004/5.
As can be seen from the graph, the passenger railway journeys increased for the three systems over the period. The passengers of National rail network and London Underground increased with the same trend. For National rail network, it fell from 1000 millions journeys a year in 1950 to about 600 millions journeys in 1980. Likewise, for London Underground the numbers are about 700 millions in 1950 and 500 millions in 1980 respectively. After that, the number of people using Nation rail network rose rapidly to a highest point at about 1100 millions journeys in 2004/5 and the number of passengers for London Underground also increased dramaticly to about 1000 millions a year in 2004/5.

Light rail and metro system was only introduced just after 1960 with very small number of people using the system. However, from 1980 to 2004/5 the number rose sharply to about 200 millions passengers a year.

In conclusion, the number of people using Light rail and metro system was much less than others.
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jun 7, 2014   #2

Graph: pik.vn/201471f827bf-2e7b-4d36-b4bf-62fa5b16cc83.jpeg

Attach the picture is better than only provide the link. Klik attach file above text box massage.
2. Give space among each paragraph, because your layout is important when you write the writing IELTS(task 1 and task 2)
3. I suggest you to follow this pattern:
- Introduction paragraph (paraphrase the prompt)
- Overview (Key trend)
- Supporting paragraph 1 (detail information)
- Supporting paragraph 2 (detail information)
4. Read many sample answers writing task 1, if you wanna improve your writing skill.
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jun 13, 2014   #3
to make the readers easier to understand and catch your points easily, please give space between each paragraph
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jun 19, 2014   #4
Graph: pik.vn/201471f827bf-2e7b-4d36-b4bf-62fa5b16cc83.jpeg

You need to upload the graph for the reader to have a better understanding about what it presents before providing his comments on your writing. Don't give links, but use the "Attach file(s)" feature in the Message block. Once you click on that, you can select the file that you need to upload. Waiting for your graph :)

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