The graph shows the number of visitors to a variety of art galleries in 2011.

statistics data in regard of art galleries visitors

The bar chart illustrates the number who came to art galleries in six countries in the year 2011.
Overall, it is clear that the art galleries and museums can be split in tow groups: those with high rates of visitors, and others with lower numbers of tourists. While the biggest visitors to these destinations were who went to the Louvre, the least of this number was the State Hermitage.

During 2011, nearly 9 million tourists paid to visit the Louvre (Paris). The second most popular museums was the Metropolitan Museum in the USA with 6 million visitors. Besides, about 5,8 million people were attracted by the British Museum.

However, the number who have a visit to the National Museum of Korea was just above 3,1, followed closely by this rate of Museo del Prado. The figure for visitors to this Spanish museum was only half of that of British Museum. And the Russian museum - the State Hermitage was the least popular destination of six museums when it just attracted under 3 million people.

It is difficult to review this report properly because of the missing image. I rely on the image to help review the accuracy of your discussion presentation and instruction adherence. While you did present more than the minimum word count. I do not sense a complete discussion analysis in your presentations. There are no true comparison points presented between the 6 countries. You are relying merely on direct information presentation, which means you did not really analyze the image, although you tried to make it sound that way. A truly analyzed presentation would have between 3-5 sentences in each paragraph, not just 2 sentences. You are also starting one sentence using a conjunction. You do know that you are not supposed to do that right? It is against English academic writing rules. A conjunction is used to connect 2 thoughts or information in a sentence. So this will be seen as a GRA violation and will affect your GRA score.

Seams that the sctructure of the essay is correct, however it is difficult to estimate it without image. Instead of "the number who came to art galleries" I suggest you to use more academic words such as "different type of visitors who visited art galleries".