THE GRAPHS BELOW SHOW THE PERCENTAGE OF DIFFERENT ELEMENTS IN THREE TYPES OF DIETS

ACADEMIC IELTS WRITING TASK 1

THE TOPIC : THE GRAPHS BELOW SHOW THE PERCENTAGE OF DIFFERENT ELEMENTS IN THREE TYPES OF DIETS.

The pie charts provided reveal a comparison of the proportion of carbohydrates, protein and fat in three diets, namely an average diet, a healthy diet and a healthy diet for sport.

In general, what stands out from the graphs is that the percentages of carbohydrates in three diets are highest among three elements while the proportions of fat are lowest.

A closer look at the data reveals that the percentage of carbohydrates in a healthy diet for sport dominates the ranking among three diets, standing at 60%. This figure is 10% more than the proportion of carbohydrates in a healthy diet and 1.5 times as high as the percentage of carbohydrates in an average diet. Regarding protein, the proportion of protein in an average diet, which makes up 40%, is higher than 30% for that in a healthy diet and over twice times as large as that in a healthy diet for sport.

It is noticeable that the percentages of fat in three diets lag far behind, with only 15% in a healthy diet for sport. The figure for fat in an average diet and a healthy diet mark similar quantities, at 20% for each.

Thank you that much!!!

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Why are you dividing your essay into 4 incomplete paragraphs when you should be presenting a total of 3 complete paragraphs only? A complete paragraph format is composed of 3-5 sentences. Each sentence is a stand alone thought or representation. It must not be in run-on sentence form. Your 4 paragraph essay, due to your desire to create 4 paragraphs, ended up presenting run-on sentences, using only a comma and a period as a representation of your GRA skills. You did not do a very good job with this presentation. It feels rushed, not really analytical in presentation. You appear to have more than 1 trending statement as well. It would be better if you use the 3 paragraph system. It helps you avoid presenting run-on sentences and offers you a better opportunity to showcase your GRA skills by allowing you to use more than just a comma and period in your presentation. You can also use a parenthesis, semi-colon, and a fractional presentation of data, or other analytical styles as well. The possibilities are endless under the 3 paragraph format. You do not limit yourself in the manner that the 4 paragraph manner does.

Some terms could be used to replace 'reveal', such as illustrate, indicate, depict or provide
Hope this can help you a little bit

The paragraph splits are not proper and there is no coherency in the essay. Better transition will help the essay look much logical and clear. Try to use more words like moreover, however, although, etc. Hope this helps